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Pro Handi-Craper My Picks are the shit
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This weeks favorite quotes. He never touched the plate and I made $3000 a month as a Mod!!!
 

Systems Player
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I Just Got Robbed

NO IT WASNT A SPORTSBOOK THIS TIME I JUST TOOK A BREAK FROM CUTTING MY GRASS SO I HAVE BEEN IN THE HOUSE NOW FOR 45 MINUTES.MY F-CKING LAWNMOWER HAS BEEN STOLEN JESUS CHRIST I AM F-CKING PISSED,I ASKED YURI NEXT DOOR AND HE SAID HE SAW SOME COLORED KID PUT IT INTO HIS TRUCK HE THOUGHT I WAS LETTING HIM USE IT.JESUS F-CKING CHRIST THESE F-CKING RUSSIANS ARE DUMB MOTHER F-CKERS YEH RIGHT LIKE I AM GOING TO LET A NUBIAN USE MY LAWNMOWER ITS GONE GUYS HOW DO I TELL MY WIFE I WAS POSTING IN THE RX AND SOME NIGERIAN STOLE OUR LAWNMOWER SHE WILL THINK I AM GOING BONKERS.THE LAWNMOWER IS 3 YEARS OLD ITS NOT THE MONEY ITS THE FACT THAT MY F-CKING STUPID RUSSIAN NEIGHBOR SAW A NIGERIAN STEAL MY MOWER AND HE JUST STANDS THERE THANKS A F-CKING LOT YURI.THE FRONT OF THE YARD IS HALF DONE NOW WHAT DO I DO.WHY ARE PEOPLE SO STUPID SOMEBODY PLEASE ANSWER ME THIS.I CANT BELIEVE IT I DONT LIKE TO GET ROBBED EVEN IF IT WAS A 6 PACK OF MY CORONAS ITS THE FACT THAT A LITTLE F-CKING BONE HEAD WALKED ONTO MY PROPERTY AND STOLE MY LAWNMOWER WHAT F-CKING BALLS.I CAN SEE IT NOW JIM HOW COME YOU DIDNT FINISH THE LAWN TODAY WELL HONEY I WENT IN TO TALK TO THE SHRINK,SICK GAMBLER,DIMEPLAYERONLY,AND LOU DIAMOND THEN WHEN I WENT BACK OUTSIDE SOMEBODY STOLE THE MOWER,I THINK SHE WILL HAVE ME COMMITTED TO THE MASSACHUSETTS INSTITUTION OF MENTAL PATIENTS BOYS HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN TO HER I TOOK A BREAK TO GO ON THE INTERNET TO TALK TO A BUNCH OF MIS FITS AND THE MOWER WAS STOLEN,THATS IT NO ALLOWANCE AGAIN THIS WEEK ILL HAVE TO GO BUY A NEW LAWNMOWER AND MY WIFE WILL DEDUCT IT FROM MY WEEKLY SALARY.WHY DO I COME INTO THIS FORUM EVERYTIME I DO SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS.

BOYS I HOPE YOU NEVER HAVE RUSSIAN NEIGHBORS MAN THEY ARE THE DUMBEST PEOPLE ON EARTH
fuck2.gif
I SAW A BLACK KID TAKE THE MOWER I THOUGHT HE WAS A FRIEND OF YOURS F-CK YOU YURI



:missingte
 

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JJGold
Boys it was such a weird experience meeting these 3 clowns last night at the track. I mean it was like I was on Earth and the other three were on fukkin Mars or in their own worlds. It starts out like real normal and we all are shaking hands, ect. I call the guys whatever name comes to my head like hey Danny, hey Rod, ect. So it goes all well there and then we proceed to our seats.

Now this guy Raisencain must be a bigshot there because he gets us the best seats in the house in a reserved box and has food already paid before we even it. What a class act and a generous guy. More later on this guy and the Nut he really turned out to be. I thought we were there to bet some races and talk a little but mainly gamble. I have fukkin roll of a sharks cash in my pocket ready to bet big numbers at Penn National but little did I know it was like the twilight zone instead.

We start with Total Square and this guy has 2 cell phones, 1 pager and get this a mini pocket fukkin web browser!!!! I thought he would want to get away for a night without all the tecno ****, ect. I would try and ask this guy “who do you like in the 2nd at Penn National and I had to ask him 4 fukiin times until he heard me and get this his reply was” It is all business JJ”” I had no fukkin clue if this guy was smoking weed or drinking. He did not hear a fukkin word I said. All he did was go on the pocket browser and stare at his sportspager all night and made a few calls in between. I waited like 20 minutes and this guy did not say word to any of us so I say to him “hey TS how is Bowmans”? I swear again he goes “JJ it is all business” I am just looking at this guy in bewilderment. I do of know what to make of him and he talks to me like he never hears a word I say(common theme developing boys) . This happens 7 times throughout the night when I tried to ask him a question and I kept getting the same answer. I say *** this clown and let me move on to Mjulian.

This Julian character always looks really concerned and is a deep thinker. When I would ask him something the look I would get is one of cloudiness and concern. He just starred at me kind of and then get this boys carries his fukkin bank books in his shirt pocket!!! He says to me” JJ I got 42 dimes in the bank.” It came out of the blue and had nothing to do what I was asking him. I do not give a *** how much this clown has in the bank, ect. I came here to talk to these guys about gambling and stuff and it appears they are in another fukkin world!! I then ask him “hey Julian what books do you use?” He then proceeds to tell me in 7 years he will be worth 450 Dimes. I am saying under my breathe “who gives a ***, this guy is nuts and out there”. He had to look at his bank books 20 times during the course of the night and kept shaking his head when he looked at it. He also sometimes would just yell out to the crowd “ All Rise” in a real deep voice like an opera singer and it was embarassing because everyone would stare at us. Again what the *** was on his mind??? I was starting to think I better get the *** out of here these guys are nuts and appeared to have snapped or something.!!!

Ok Raisencain seemed to be cool with the initial handshake and a little small talk about gambling so I figured I would pal around with this guy as we have more in common. Well boys this guy turned out to be the biggest nut and strangest character I know other than our own Peep. I would be looking at the tote board and I would hear whispers behind me in the next level of seats and it was Cain talking to some guys and he was whispering with his hand covering his mouth. I would then look back at him and he would stop suddenly and pretend to read the paper. What did this guy think?? I was born fukkin yesterday. He did not realize I was a street guy I guess . He did this all fukkin night and it was so annoying and every time I looked up at him he would stop and pretend to read the paper and like smile. This guys now I am thinking has fukkin snapped or is just nuts!!!! Boys it gets worse. Another strange thing about this guy is he always has a deck of cards in his hands and is doing tricks with them. I am shaking my head in disbelief going “what a fukkin jerkoff this guy is” and saying to my myself “what the *** am I doing here with these losers? I bet Cain always has card games going on the street and during the night when he was not whispering I asked him what was up his right sleeve because I saw something there. He pulls out a 4 of clubs and starts laughing so loud!! I swear I do not know if I should just run out of the fukkin track right then. I quietly backed away from this guy.

Ok boys time to leave and we all shake hands and **** and Mjulian puts some type of robe on (I had to turn my fukkin head and laugh because the thing was sooo ugly and outdated), Johhny (TS) get a load of this wears a fukkin tank top only in the pouring rain. I did not know what to make of it but just shake my head and praying to get the *** out. I shake hands with the two and they went their way in another direction and Cain parked in the same areas as me and he whispers to me “JJ I want to show you my car?? I am going what the ***???? Does this guy want to bang me on the side of the car??? I said what the *** if he tries something I can run and scream. He is wearing a long trench coat and a suite underneath. I thought he looked like an undertaker or something. During the walk to the car he keeps playing with this deck of cards and smiling to himself. Does this guy tell himself jokes or what?? What the ***?? Maybe he snapped???

Get to his car and boys he opens his trunk up and get a load of this….. The trunk is full of guns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I swear I almost came in my pants!!!!! I love weapons and **** but I am discreet when I carry. I am going to Cain are you nuts??? This is a public parking lot and he is showing me all the guns he has and ****. He pulls out a brand new shotgun and shows me how to load it and cock it. He does this and starts laughing real loud and his eyes light up so much I thought he was coming. He starts pointing it at the sky and then starts yelling “Pow, Pow, Pow, Pow. That was the last fukkin straw and ran to my car and went home!!!! Sorry Cain but you have lost it.

Boys after last night I really do believe we are all sick fuks in one way or another and I mean everyone of us!!!

No more meeting posters for me, they are just tooooooooooooo far out there. I wonder why we all post day and night and live in glass houses. We are misfits and I am really starting to believe I just might be the top 5 “normal” posters here.


*** this ****

Gold
 

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A day in the life of JJGold
Post #1

5:00AM Workout, jog like 5 minutes in my place, bench press a little (around 50lbs), 10 push-ups, 5 sit-ups, 10 curls (15lbs), throw the medicine ball around for another 5 or so/ .

5:45AM- Power breakfast, 2 eggs, 5 slices bacon, 10 slices tailor ham, a few sausages, glass of milk, a stick of oriole cookies

6:30 Shower and sing tunes for like a 1/2 hour. Usually then put on a jumpsuite and my chains and here is something new. I bought this shit that is suppose to make your cock grow, so I throw some if on shaft and head. It is some type of powder. I do it everyday. Finally cement rug on and comb it and inspect it a lot.

7:15AM- Hit the forum, post some shit to my pupils

7:30AM- I make some calls for early wise guy plays around the country.

8:00Am Duke this kid down the hallway to get me the racing forms and every addition.

8:15AM- Usually a big timer from newark calls me seeing what is up.
The guy is trying to get me into a 3 card monte game outside. I don't leave my pad much.

8:40 Start reasearching the net and looking for edges, looking at line services and looking for bad / weak numbers . Make a few posts

9:45AM- I call the track starters at each track I am betting and look for angles to bet. I also have a few track clockers in my back pocket so I get good shit to bet.

10:15AM- Look out the window and shit and see whats up. I usually conduct most of my biz from the window and guys stand below to get assignments. I throw out usually bazookas gums to the kids for 5 minutes and these kids go fukkin wild battling for it. A ritual we have.
Make a few posts

10:45AM- Getting edgy, early race cards getting closer. I usually go play a hold-em game ($50/$100) for like an hour. I fuk around in there chatting and trying to pick up chicks. Or if not poker usually kids cut school and we play ps2 for a while.

11:45- Will look at a few porn magazines and dream. Also watch pron for a little bit and try and learn and get tips. Finally to cap off my sex hour I usually call the phone/chat lines ad talk to girls live and shit and they tell me what they want to do to me and everything. These girls sound really sexy too. Make a few posts

12:45 Pop some early doubles hard and get in my pick 4's. I have 4 cards usually in front of me and use only DRF paper addition

1:00 Bury some games and get good numbers. I usually move for a few Newark players too. Big lunch and usually have big macs everyday. The manager owes me so he delivers them

1:15PM- On the phone with Russ and telling him what books to watch fr and asking him where the early Canadian money is on. Boys you all wish you were as sharp as me. Make a few posts

1:30PM Usually these girls call back from the chat line wanting to talk nasty. We talk for like 10 minutes and then I tell them to fukkin bill me. They know I am big time so they like to call.

1:50 Betting still some ponies, make a few posts

2:30PM The HS kids come over and we eat and I let them bet with my horse accounts for a while. They all bring their own forms though and I supply only pretzles, chips, ice cream and soda. No smoking or drugs.

4:00PM Kids gone, make some calls to west coast and see what is up. Call sharks to make sure we are on same page. Pop pills for my paranois I developed. I have a few like thinking spiders are in every fukkin room, think my rug is loose or crooked, I do not like it dark. Always think raccoons are trying to get in, think my computer always crashes and finally fear of losing. I take shit for it though. Make a few posts

5:00 PM- kids yelling up to my window asking who I like and I give them games and amounts to bet and then they all run to walk up shops and put cash bets in. I also have dialogue with some locals from window and tellin them who to bet.

5:30 Again I throw bazooka bubble gum out the windows to the kids and give them like 100 pieces a session. This is so big now there are like 100 kids waiting for me to toss them out. What a fukkin battle to get gum. Make a few posts

6:00PM- the big players all come to my pad and we discuss the night and who we like and why. Secondly they always bring food and Italian it is.
Lots of sharps telling stories and all these guys on phone pounding games all over country.

7:15 Call Brett, Call Sportman,, Call Dimeplayers, action, action, action, post

7:30PM phone ringing constantly with info, on net banging plays

8:00 Snack, watch games, computer, ect and flip on porn a little.

8:40PM- post, poker, dance to some tunes

9:40 Hit the dating lines and leave lots of messages for women. I basically just say, strong, handsome, bear looking for my little cub to play with. It has not worked yet.

10:15PM Grade games, watch games, post, snack

11:00 Make contacts with sharks and workout payment plans, call locals, ect, post

12:00AM Play 3 card monte in hallway for an hour with neighbors

1:00AM Wrap up posting and i call a girl to chat sex with for a while, look at lines and stats, play video games.

2:00AM take my fukkin rug off and what a pain in the ass, glue all fukkin over and shit. I am cursing because it toes not come off easy. It usually takes like 30 minutes to get scalp clean and free of sticky glue becuase if not I pay for it in bed, My fukkin head sticks to the pillow and I get pissed off.

3:00AM watch porn and try to jack off if I can get it up. I usually pretend I am banging chick on tv, I out screen real close to me like I am there. I kind of pump bed

Eventually fall asleep for a little bit and back right at it.

Of course when i do go out I have to meet bookmakers and sharks but other than that I am home most of the time and I have guys on my payroll to get me everything.

You know I might be more normal than some of you nuts
 

in your heart, you know i'm right
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i have read that cool hand jim quote about 20 times and i laugh out loud every time.

:103631605
 

in your heart, you know i'm right
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day in the life of jj is also in the top 5 posts of all time.
 

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Damn, that day in the life of JJ is some funny shit.

P.S. This little reply box sux
 

I'm all about low expectations
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A+ on both of the jj posts

missed the thanksgiving one, but remember it being some funny shit also
 

Rx. Senior
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JJGold
Kid I like your style

I nailed a girl when I was 19 and it was very conventional in a bedroom with the curtains down and lights out. I was very nervous and had erectile problems and what was funny was my cock could not get real hard and she was getting pissed off and she was real hot. I told her to keep sitting on it and pull my hair. It got a little hard but when she would ride me cowgirl it just kept coming out like 20 times and the intervals would last like 5 seconds only. It is hard when your rod does not stay erect. I mean she stroked it, blew it, and locked her thighs around it to get it hard. The fukkin thing went blue. We had a good rythymm for a while like 40 seconds and I came in her ear by mistake.

The girl was a rockette too from Broadway. I was nervous and just did not know how to react to her. She was older and her brother and sister were peeking in the door to see what was going on and they kep laughing at me because she would keep cursing me about my pecker coming on and calling me too inexperienced and a ***** that did no know how to fuk.

Boys I do not wish a small on anyone and has haunted me to this day with jokes and everything.

Women do not like guys with small peckers and it is not my fault. It is called genetics. I am a stud too, I am kind of depressed over my erectile problems.

Good Luck

ps: My first time was a dissaster and really always had issues in the bedroom and just makes me wonder.- JJGold
 

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"I told her to keep sitting on it an pull my hair."

Man I can't stop laughing!
 

Rx. Senior
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JJGold
[FONT=&quot]I use all black bookmakers and these guys are all characters and tough. Everyone one of them has some sort of caddy or lincoln and about 80% where furs like me (where I picked it up from). Also most have dual jobs as pimps.

So this is where I am getting, I said these guys are sharp right? When I would win big at times the bookmaker would send one of his women runners (girls) to pay me. We usually settled in Alleys in Newark and the girls would seduce me before I collected and would blow me and fuk me in the alley and then deducted about $500 off the total, now that is a clever bookmaker!! I am a sucker for black street girls too .[/FONT]
 

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A day in the life of JJGold


I have read a few of JJ's posts (and laughed my ass off) but I have never read the "day in the life of JJGold"

That shit is fucking hilarious, that dude is unbelievably funny, just reading it I am sitting here laughing out loud.

classic
 

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if anything, this thread has shown me raiders has been around and knows whats funny. These stories are fucking hilarious, and I have already read a few of them a few times before.
 

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General I am wearing blue leather pants today, a short sleave shirt with no sleeves and 3 rope (56K) gold chains, dressed down a little. Also wearing leather cowyboy boots."

I am in the posting zone today and a true posting pro.

Good Luck

_________________________________________________________________

I was looking for JJ's post where h talks about running numbers in Newark and he wears a fur coat and calls all the girls "sugar"
 

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Can anyone find the article Sting wrote about how to win at blackjack? Where he gave some simple rules to follow and you would easily hit 60%. It's old - I would assume at least 5 years - but it was great - what a bafoon.
 

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