It's only been 1 1/2 months and I'm feeling Great! It's been some years since I've been able to go this long. I don't know if I'm really quitting but it was getting to the point I had to take a step back. So I'll just say I'm taking a break and if this break gets me up 'till football or beyond, all the better.
I always had a hard time grasping the "quitting forever" thing too, so I just kept making milestones for myself...carrots on a stick so to speak. When I make 30 days, I felt so good I made a commitment to myself to try 90 days. When I hit day 90 it became 6 months, when I hit that it became a year, etc. Just keep the momentum going.
Glad you're feeling well
Thanks for the encouragement Harry. It means more than you know even though it's someone off the internet whom I've never met. I don't hear those kinds of words from the circles I hang with. Most people I'm around don't even realize I had a problem. I'd go through the work day functional but I just wasn't feeling like myself. I was so tired all the time and my mind had that fog that never seem to lift. I'd try and go a week to see if the fog would lift and it wouldn't much. Drinking would numb it. My brother died as a partial consequence to drinking. I still remember the time I watched him pound down 12 ounces of vodka like it was a shot at 7 AM in the morning right before I went to school. I remember very few good times with him. It was never fun waking up 3:30 in the morning with a bunch of screaming and yelling coming from my fathers bedroom to rush down there and seeing my very intoxicated brother aiming a loaded shotgun at my fathers head while he lay there in bed. I thought of those times this past year and a half because I, too, was starting to just drink vodka soda's like they were shots. I am happy to report to anyone who experiences the "fog" I was referring to, it does go away but you have to give yourself more than just a week. My problem now is tension. I go to bed and sometimes I let my mind get the best of me worrying about things and I can just feel the tension in my chest. Stress at rest is a recipe for heart disease. The quickest thing to do is reach for a drink to get the edge off but I'm fighting it and working on concentrating on what will calm my nerves down. I've got more energy now and started taking more walks and playing catch with my son. It's only been 1 1/2 months so maybe the tension will subside more and more like the mind fog did. I'm talking like I'm quitting but I'll just refer to it as taking a break.
The fog lifts after the first month and then the anxiety goes away around the 90 day mark. At least that was my experience.
And yes I had that "anxiety at rest" stuff too. There are some natural remedies for that. How's your exercise? Exercise is a great anxiety reducer and it makes you more tired at night and easier to fall asleep. Meditation helps too, I felt corny at first but it really does help clear the mind.
As far as "taking a break" vs "quitting all together"...it doesn't really matter what you tell yourself, as long as you perceive that you are feeling less pain/discomfort sober than you did when drinking, you'll choose to stay sober. And it does get better. It has gotten to the point for me that I just can't imagine making the choice to drink. Do I think about it? Sure. But I can't rationalize it. I don't have to play the tape forward very far before the story gets ugly.
I have not had a drink since October 2013. Nobody in the world enjoyed drinking more than I did. I had a 10 year period where I was a high functioning alcoholic, 3 of which, I was drinking a gallon of Vodka a day, everyday. I made the decision to stop and that is it, I am done. I still hang out at the same places with the same people, but just refuse to drink now. Will I go the rest of my life this way? I am not sure, but most likely. I personally do not understand the people who need support groups and AA meetings.
