The commercial for Extenz is even more insidious. It's a 30-minute
infomercial that comes on at 3AM. It features porn star Ron Jeremy and a
casting couch full of silicone tarts that couldn't come up with three
brain cells among them if the fate of all mankind rested upon it. I came
across this train wreck on cable one night after getting up to use the
bathroom and couldn't immediately fall back asleep. And a train wreck it
is; you can't stop watching it even though you feel evil for doing so.
Okay, I'll give Ron Jeremy his props. He's made a 25-year career out of
having sex all day long, and he's a seriously homely guy. His nickname
is The Hedgehog; need I say more? So he's sitting there leering and
grinning as these porn chicks talk about how sex is always better when a
man has a bigger Special Place. Yes. I kid you not. They call it a
Special Place, or Special Part. The same chicks that scream FUCK ME as
bad music hums along in the background while getting plowed by some
doofus with a freakishly giant dong are referring it to it now as a
Special Place. Please, kill me now. This infomercial pretty much
convinces the impressionable that with a bigger penis, you'll now
finally satisfy all women, and you too can get porn stars to fake
orgasms for you instead of for Ron Jeremy. Either way, these vultures
are preying upon the fears and insecurities of men and making them feel
that deep inside, you have a small pee pee and you'll never amount to
anything unless you take our drugs.