Wil, 3 guys are golfing. The first guy slices into the woods. After a few minutes looking for his ball he doesn't come out.
So one of the other guys goes looking for him.
After 10 minutes neither of them has come out.
So the third guy goes into the woods. And what does he see?
The second guy is fucking the first guy in the ass!
So guy #3 yells, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING!?!"
Guy #2 turns around and says, "He was having a heart attack, and he needed my help."
Guy #3 says, "Well, that doesn't mean you fuck him in the ass! Couldn't you have just given him mouth to mouth?"
The second guy says, "I did! That's how it started!"
Was that "good for a laugh?"
So one of the other guys goes looking for him.
After 10 minutes neither of them has come out.
So the third guy goes into the woods. And what does he see?
The second guy is fucking the first guy in the ass!
So guy #3 yells, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING!?!"
Guy #2 turns around and says, "He was having a heart attack, and he needed my help."
Guy #3 says, "Well, that doesn't mean you fuck him in the ass! Couldn't you have just given him mouth to mouth?"
The second guy says, "I did! That's how it started!"
Was that "good for a laugh?"
So this guy hits his wife in the head with his golf ball off the tee and kills her. He calls 9-11 and the ME comes out. After examining the body he turns to the man and asks, "Sir, did you realize that your wife has a golf ball in her rectum?" To which the man replies, "Hell yeah, that's why I had to take my mulligan."
Four guys are sitting at a table in a bar drinking and shooting the shit when the subject of kids comes up.
First guys says I got 5 sons and the other three at the table say thats great you got your own basketball team.
Second guy says I got that beat, I got 9 sons after which the other three dudes immediately say wow you got a complete baseball team.
Third guy says I got you both beat I have 11 sons which naturally causes the rest of the table say holy cow you got an entire football team.
Lastly the 4th guy says that is nothing, I got you all beat, I have 18 daughters, on queue the rest of the table replies damm you got your own golf course...
wil.:grandmais
First guys says I got 5 sons and the other three at the table say thats great you got your own basketball team.
Second guy says I got that beat, I got 9 sons after which the other three dudes immediately say wow you got a complete baseball team.
Third guy says I got you both beat I have 11 sons which naturally causes the rest of the table say holy cow you got an entire football team.
Lastly the 4th guy says that is nothing, I got you all beat, I have 18 daughters, on queue the rest of the table replies damm you got your own golf course...
wil.:grandmais
Two guys are golfing and the first one hooks off to the left into the out of bounds. He goes to look for his ball and finds it surrounded by buttercups. So he whacks all the buttercups down when all of a sudden Mother Nature appears. She says "since you killed all my beautiful buttercups you will never eat butter again in your life!" The guy figures he can eat margarine instead and chips his ball back onto the fairway.
He sees that his buddy has hit his ball off to the right. He yells at his buddy "can you find your ball?" His buddy yells back "it's over her in the pussy willows." The guy yells back at his buddy "Take the penalty! take the penalty!"
Not golf related but.....
A barber is closing up shop for the day and is headed home. Locks the door and heads across the street to the busstop. Low and behold, a car screeches to a halt inches from him. He totally dodges death and feels compelled to do good deeds in return for his life being spared.
Next day, he puts a sign on out front his store saying, "Free Haircuts This Week Only"
Policeman walks by, notices the sign and say's, "Free haircuts mister?" Barber says, "Come right in". Sits the cop down, gives him a great haircut. Cop feels like a million bucks. Cop say's, "Boy this is great, allow me to return the favor" The next day he drops by, gives him two courtside seats for the Celts/Cavs game.
The next day a lawyer comes by notices the sign asks the same thing. Lawyer gets his haircut, feels like a million bucks, and wants to the return the favor as well. The next day lawyer stops by and thanks mister barber by giving him a sharp silk suit.
The third day, a jewish guy comes by notices the sign and asks for a haircut. Like the previous two, the barber does his deed to perfection, Jewish guy looks just as primed as the cop and the lawyer. Jewish guy says, "ohhhhh mister barber i'm so excited you make me look like a new man and for free!!" Barber smiles and says, "Anytime my friend"
The next day, jewish guy returns with his son, his brother, his nephew and his cousin!
A barber is closing up shop for the day and is headed home. Locks the door and heads across the street to the busstop. Low and behold, a car screeches to a halt inches from him. He totally dodges death and feels compelled to do good deeds in return for his life being spared.
Next day, he puts a sign on out front his store saying, "Free Haircuts This Week Only"
Policeman walks by, notices the sign and say's, "Free haircuts mister?" Barber says, "Come right in". Sits the cop down, gives him a great haircut. Cop feels like a million bucks. Cop say's, "Boy this is great, allow me to return the favor" The next day he drops by, gives him two courtside seats for the Celts/Cavs game.
The next day a lawyer comes by notices the sign asks the same thing. Lawyer gets his haircut, feels like a million bucks, and wants to the return the favor as well. The next day lawyer stops by and thanks mister barber by giving him a sharp silk suit.
The third day, a jewish guy comes by notices the sign and asks for a haircut. Like the previous two, the barber does his deed to perfection, Jewish guy looks just as primed as the cop and the lawyer. Jewish guy says, "ohhhhh mister barber i'm so excited you make me look like a new man and for free!!" Barber smiles and says, "Anytime my friend"
The next day, jewish guy returns with his son, his brother, his nephew and his cousin!
hno:
there is some truth in all stereotypes as much as people hate to admit it
obviously you can't go around branding people as being such and such cause of race and where we get in trouble...
if my white ass takes a stroll through east saint louis with its heavy black population vs. a suburb with whiteboy majority chances of me being a victim of crime is much higher
and scott yeah i was just poking some fun
i know u can take a joke :toast:
