(Off Topic) Married Posters with children..

[bigbet1234]

Dante, come on now, don't be so naive. How can you make your kids happy if you are not happy yourself.

About being greener on the other side, well, everyone realationship is different, it may be greener for others, and some not.

What it boils down to is your happiness, if you are not happy, then do something to change it. Remember, if you are searching for external things(money, gambling, food, etc...) for happiness, its going to be pretty hard to find happiness.

The worst thing I read here is, stay together for the kids. BULLSHIT. If both husband and wife want it, try and work it out in thearpy. But if you are going to stay together showing no emotion for eachother, and bickering all the time, what kind of traits do you think your offspring will have?

BB

very good post...exactly on the money....Its not about YOUR happiness anymore when you have Kids its about there's

 

[honzie]

Women marry men expecting them to change but they don't.
Men marry women expecting them to stay the same but they change.

Of all the sayings, adages, cliches, etc. that are directed at marriage and relationships, this one may be the most prevalent. Very surprised you don't hear this more often - this is absolutely what I have witnessed.

 

[eldiablo]

I would advise to try and work things out or be happy. Sometimes the situation is better for all parties involved. My son's mother and I split when he was 1.5, never married. She changed for worst. I tried to make it work but now I look back and it was the best decision we ever made. It was a living hell for about a year dealing with her and going through the legal stuff. Luckily she married a decent level headed dude and things are great. My son is 5 and splits time equally with us. My wife has known him since right after the break up. It is really nice since he was young and really loves her too. We hung out, swam and I tucked him in earlier.

It has its ups and downs. All cases are different. This one is currently working. It would be much harder or ??? ....if her new husband was a dick or my wife was some controlling wanna-be mom.

 

[valueman]

I think most posters in this post are in the position where they don't hate every minute being married and don't feel it's a living hell but know that they have been happier and miss a lot from their single life.

That said they unselfishly realise they own feelings are not paramount and trade-off some of their individual happiness for the overall happiness of their children. We've all made our own bed and have to lie in it!

 

[WildBill]

Another good reason why I refuse to have kids. Happily married and see no reason to mess that up by having kids enter the equation. Amazing thing is about half the married friends I have are of the same mindset with no intention of having kids. I call us the sane crowd, especially when we have all these nuts practically begging us to have kids. I just don't get that, why should other people give two shits about another couple having kids? I sure don't care about how many kids other people have, why so many people feel they have to impart their "wisdom" about that on us?

 

[DarrylParsons]

Staying happy in a long-term relationship is really hard to do but not impossible IMO.

If my wife gets on my case too much with nagging, having high expectations etc., I just take off for a couple of days. Let her experience life alone and see how she likes it. Luckily for me she never likes it and things improve when I come back.

But if she seemed to be just as happy without me then I'd seriously consider splitting up. No point in making sacrifices if no one's going to benefit from it.

And don't bother asking her if she needs you or not. She will say yes no matter what the true answer is. Women always lie to avoid hurting someone's feelings. The only way to know for sure is to see how she manages without you and how much it affects her if you're not around.

This is a question you've got to know the answer to IMO as everything hinges on it.

Just my 2c.

 

[winbet]

The secret is to get them all involved, My kids are both on 5% of profits a year.They help with some of the paperwork and Math/probability crap, Wife does any typing and in the days of Shops, used to be a foot soldier for me. All in all, too busy to harp on other things, as long as the winners keep coming.:sad3:

 

[assassin]

As stated, marriage can be very difficult.

Of my 12 years of marriage so far, I think 4 have been extremely happy, 4 happy enough, 2 made me feel like leaving, and 2 I felt like I was only staying for the kids.

As a man I often don't pick up on my wife's signals, or if I do I guess I just don't care sometimes. Open communication helps, but women seem to tune out what they don't want to hear.

About 3 months ago my wife said "I REALLYl ove you. I used to say it but wasn't sure if I meant, and NOW i know I really mean it". Of course this was followed less than 1 month later but one of our larger fights ever. Ya just can't win sometimes.

Maybe it is about where we set our expectations and place our priorities.
Who knows.

Would I stay for the kids, absolutely. I guess I am trying to shoot for "happy enough" these days.