This post was inspired by Mike 429's Alan Boston quote in the gambling quote thread. I've read that excellent book more than once. Journeyman's rocking chair thread had a lot to do with it too.
The majority of my posts here have been nothing more than free association, verbal meanderings usually in jest and written as an attempt to entertain, bring some levity and yes, to be accepted as one of the guys.
Now comes my most serious and introspective post to date, and I've taken the veil off the courtjester persona here.
I may be reaching a bit in what I'm going to attempt to correlate. I know I hide from relationships except with my loving wife, my dog, my cat, and seven ducks. I hide anonymously behind this keyboard, and though I would like to think I try, I can't seem to be able to make the final step in hooking up with guys who share our interests here. They are close by, yet I feel as though I would be exposing some sort of vulnerability, have my carefully constructed countenance and routine be disrupted, or even worse be thought of as simply a fool. This despite a host of stories I could tell, and would enjoy doing, about experiences with guys I long ago played a child's game for pay with.
It's OK on here, for no one knows me as other than Mr. Jones. It has already crossed my mind that subconsciously or not, I may have named myself after the darker side of the character in a movie by the same name. But if I did so, it is only because I remember the last few years before I let my hobby turn into an "obsession". I do no walk the dark side of the street anymore.
I do delude myself into thinking that I will attend the next "RX" get together. With little doubt however, I will come up with a feeble excuse like I'm too old. If by some chance, I do attend however, it would be right on the mark to say this prescription really worked.
The "RX" is just that; a prescription like therapy that no doubt helped me fend off my demoms; the few still left since the advent of my "hobby". For surely those few must still have existed. I haven't seen them lately but could they have been vanquished in a mere two months? I'm on these pages daily, then almost daily, and daily if I so choose; at some point in the day or evening it all comes alive for me. The more I isolate into this world the better the monetary gains become.
"The symptoms are familiar: your heart pounds, your hands tremble or you feel like you have "butterflies" in your stomach. But this anxiety is temporary, and once you get through the situation,life goes on as usual."
I'd say it's a lock that a few of you at least, can relate to the above quote. Any of you that played sports at a higher level, I'm sure can do so from that perspective as well. The feeling abates after the first pitch is thrown, the first puck is stopped or the first contact is made.
The above quote my friends, while taken out of context, is a description of Social Anxiety Disorder. Yes the Ricky Williams Disease. And yes I may be reaching, but I dare say maybe not that far. I've come to believe I may have it, yet if I do, I know it is a recent visitor. And what I'm afraid of is that I may not be nearly as alone as I think. I hope I am, but am I?
But I'm just an old fart anyway already in the rocking chair Journeyman spoke of. Put a computer and sit three TV's in front of that rocking chair and I think I am happy, therefore I am.
The reason I took the time to bare my soul and make this post is that many of you guys are younger than my son. I would only suggest that some of you give a bit of thought to where you are now and the road you're traveling on enroute to that rocking chair. If any of you can see even a bit of me in you already, I suggest you give it serious thought.
As much as I love internet sports wagering and as much as I defend it,lets call a spade a spade and admit that there is a dangerous element and that it is hardly what they focus on in their arguments against it. It is simply the possibility that some small, remote percentage of participants may eventually see isolation such as Alan Boston, who has the benefit of at least some socialization in the brick and mortar casinos, would never know.
Perhaps I'll finally be flamed for bringing up any possibility that a danger, however remote, is present with the off shore game. But trust me, I love the quickly dimishing freedoms we have left. And the pursuit of happiness with the click of a mouse I truly cherish.
And no value judgement, about isolation and it's possible effects is being made here. Simply put though I'm happy now at this age in my situation and the point I'm trying to drive home is that had this thing hit me more than a few years back, Im sure I'd be singing a different tune. It is because of my age and situation, that despite this thing, I can truthfully say I'm as happy now as I remember ever being. That my friends is quite the statement to be able to make from the rocking chair.
With all of this being said should our elected representatives pull off what they are trying to accomplish; if they somehow manage to do that, there will be one old man who has worked hard and paid taxes and hurt no one that he can remember in his lifetime. There will be one old man now sitting and enjoying his retirement on two and a half acres of partly swampland in rural Florida and getting a last shot to play the games of his youth; should they do that, then those rat bastards will just tear the heart right out of the chest of this old man.
Thanks for reading this gentlemen.
The majority of my posts here have been nothing more than free association, verbal meanderings usually in jest and written as an attempt to entertain, bring some levity and yes, to be accepted as one of the guys.
Now comes my most serious and introspective post to date, and I've taken the veil off the courtjester persona here.
I may be reaching a bit in what I'm going to attempt to correlate. I know I hide from relationships except with my loving wife, my dog, my cat, and seven ducks. I hide anonymously behind this keyboard, and though I would like to think I try, I can't seem to be able to make the final step in hooking up with guys who share our interests here. They are close by, yet I feel as though I would be exposing some sort of vulnerability, have my carefully constructed countenance and routine be disrupted, or even worse be thought of as simply a fool. This despite a host of stories I could tell, and would enjoy doing, about experiences with guys I long ago played a child's game for pay with.
It's OK on here, for no one knows me as other than Mr. Jones. It has already crossed my mind that subconsciously or not, I may have named myself after the darker side of the character in a movie by the same name. But if I did so, it is only because I remember the last few years before I let my hobby turn into an "obsession". I do no walk the dark side of the street anymore.
I do delude myself into thinking that I will attend the next "RX" get together. With little doubt however, I will come up with a feeble excuse like I'm too old. If by some chance, I do attend however, it would be right on the mark to say this prescription really worked.
The "RX" is just that; a prescription like therapy that no doubt helped me fend off my demoms; the few still left since the advent of my "hobby". For surely those few must still have existed. I haven't seen them lately but could they have been vanquished in a mere two months? I'm on these pages daily, then almost daily, and daily if I so choose; at some point in the day or evening it all comes alive for me. The more I isolate into this world the better the monetary gains become.
"The symptoms are familiar: your heart pounds, your hands tremble or you feel like you have "butterflies" in your stomach. But this anxiety is temporary, and once you get through the situation,life goes on as usual."
I'd say it's a lock that a few of you at least, can relate to the above quote. Any of you that played sports at a higher level, I'm sure can do so from that perspective as well. The feeling abates after the first pitch is thrown, the first puck is stopped or the first contact is made.
The above quote my friends, while taken out of context, is a description of Social Anxiety Disorder. Yes the Ricky Williams Disease. And yes I may be reaching, but I dare say maybe not that far. I've come to believe I may have it, yet if I do, I know it is a recent visitor. And what I'm afraid of is that I may not be nearly as alone as I think. I hope I am, but am I?
But I'm just an old fart anyway already in the rocking chair Journeyman spoke of. Put a computer and sit three TV's in front of that rocking chair and I think I am happy, therefore I am.
The reason I took the time to bare my soul and make this post is that many of you guys are younger than my son. I would only suggest that some of you give a bit of thought to where you are now and the road you're traveling on enroute to that rocking chair. If any of you can see even a bit of me in you already, I suggest you give it serious thought.
As much as I love internet sports wagering and as much as I defend it,lets call a spade a spade and admit that there is a dangerous element and that it is hardly what they focus on in their arguments against it. It is simply the possibility that some small, remote percentage of participants may eventually see isolation such as Alan Boston, who has the benefit of at least some socialization in the brick and mortar casinos, would never know.
Perhaps I'll finally be flamed for bringing up any possibility that a danger, however remote, is present with the off shore game. But trust me, I love the quickly dimishing freedoms we have left. And the pursuit of happiness with the click of a mouse I truly cherish.
And no value judgement, about isolation and it's possible effects is being made here. Simply put though I'm happy now at this age in my situation and the point I'm trying to drive home is that had this thing hit me more than a few years back, Im sure I'd be singing a different tune. It is because of my age and situation, that despite this thing, I can truthfully say I'm as happy now as I remember ever being. That my friends is quite the statement to be able to make from the rocking chair.
With all of this being said should our elected representatives pull off what they are trying to accomplish; if they somehow manage to do that, there will be one old man who has worked hard and paid taxes and hurt no one that he can remember in his lifetime. There will be one old man now sitting and enjoying his retirement on two and a half acres of partly swampland in rural Florida and getting a last shot to play the games of his youth; should they do that, then those rat bastards will just tear the heart right out of the chest of this old man.
Thanks for reading this gentlemen.
