[h=3]HE'S GOT THE GIFT OF THE GAFFE! THE DUKE OF EDINBURGH'S FUNNIEST QUIPS[/h] ON STATE VISITS
'Do you still throw spears at each other?' To Aboriginal leader William Brin during a visit to the Aboriginal Cultural Park in Queensland, 2002.
'You managed not to get eaten then?' To a British student who was trekking in Papua New Guinea, during an official visit in 1998.
ON EUROPE
'I would like to go to Russia very much — although the bastards murdered half my family.' In 1967, when asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union.
'Damn fool question!' To a BBC journalist at a banquet at the Elysée Palace in Paris after she asked the Queen if she was enjoying her stay.
ON SCOTLAND
'How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?' To a Scottish driving instructor in 1995.
ON CHINA
'Ghastly.' Prince Philip’s opinion of Beijing, during a tour of China in 1986.
'If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.' To a meeting of the World Wildlife Fund in 1986.
ON MULTI-CULTURAL BRITAIN
'So who’s on drugs here? He looks as if he’s on drugs.' To a 14-year-old member of a Bangladeshi youth club in 2002.
'Are you all one family?' Said to mixed-race dance troupe Diversity at the 2009 Royal Variety Performance.
ON WOMEN
'British women can’t cook.' Endearing himself to the Scottish Women’s Institute in 1961.
'Ah, so this is feminist corner then.' To a group of female Labour MPs at a Buckingham Palace drinks party in 2000.
'When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.'
ON CELEBRITY
'What do you gargle with — pebbles?' To Tom Jones, after the Royal Variety Performance, 1969. He later added: 'It is very difficult at all to see how it is possible to become immensely valuable by singing what I think are the most hideous songs.'
'Oh, it’s you that owns that ghastly car, is it? We often see it when driving to Windsor Castle.' To near-neighbour Elton John after hearing that he had sold his Watford FC-themed Aston Martin in 2001.
ON FOOD AND DRINK
'Get me a beer. I don’t care what kind it is, just get me a beer!' On being offered fine Italian wines by Prime Minister Giuliano Amato at a dinner in Rome in 2000.
ON CLASS AND MONEY
'People think there’s a rigid class system here, but dukes have been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.' In 2000.
'If you travel as much as we do, you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort, provided you don’t travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.' To the Aircraft Research Association in 2002.
'All money nowadays seems to be produced with a natural homing instinct for the Treasury.' Lamenting the rate of British tax in 1963.
ON ART AND FASHION
'You didn’t design your beard too well, did you? You really must try better with your beard.' To a young fashion designer at Buckingham Palace in 2009.
'It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from her school art lessons.' On seeing an exhibition of 'primitive' Ethiopian art in 1965.
ON THE PRESS
'You have mosquitos. I have the Press.' To the matron of a hospital in the Caribbean.
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