JJ, May be the most dramatic person I have known on the internet. JJ, find yourself a relaxing hobby and try not to take life so seriously, believe me on this one, in the end we all just die and leave nothing of meaning behind! I'll give you this , you are extremely passionate, maybe to a fault.
Something you should write on the chalkboard 1000 times, "**** all"! Then perhaps you might start to believe it!