Dumbasses

[Phaedrus]

New this week! From the man who brought you that astronomy thead and the only really funny joke thread at the Rx and who pretty much propped up the "Celebrity Nudes" thread for a year or so, I've decided to focus on building a thread to help some Rxers feel better and look better by comparison.

Ladies and gentlemen, the "Dumbasses" thread is born!

Phaedrus

 

[Phaedrus]

Today's entries:

This numbnuts, who gate-crashed a party to sell weed, said party turning out to be a bunch of off-duty cops.

This fucktard, who was told she had to leave her home due to a gas leak, and lit a cigarette on the way out the door.


Yours in Darwinism,


Phaedrus

 

[BeatPete]

good thread...sucks what happened to that trailer house family but the woman should have known better

 

[Phaedrus]

This just in ...

Some asshole shoots three puppies in the head; fourth puppy shoots back.

The luckiest drunk in the whole wide world.


Phaedrus

 

[TheGeneral+]

Dumbasses

 

[Phaedrus]

Wow, who can believe all the censorship in this software? God fúcking thing I know how to use gõddámned ALT tags, for Christ's sake.

Figured we could use a new ******* post to make us feel relatively superior. I present to you Mr. Miguel Marquez of San José, Calfiornia.

Mr. Marquez was working with a wood chipper, which apparently got jammed when a stump was pushed into it.

He then tried to dislodge the stump by standing on the chipper and kicking at the stump. Without turning off the chipper first.

Can you guess what happened next, boys and girls?


Phaedrus

 

[1cheater]

Phaedrus, these stories may explain the mysterious disapearances of some of the more voicesterous posters here at the RX? :EEK: <SCRIPT type=text/javascript> vbmenu_register("postmenu_670432", true); </SCRIPT>

 

[Doug]

I've got an oldy, but goody. I believe it's true. It's about a guy flying in a lawn chair with helium ballons. Perhaps an urban myth ? I hope the link works.


Lawn Chair Larry


http://www.darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid1997-11.html

 

[Phaedrus]

Today's crop ...

California school bans cartwheels in the name of safety. Next up will be the requirement for all kids to be ensconed in a Kevlar bubble.

A woman who was hit by a train is suing the train company for not having signs out that warn pedestrians that tracks are for trains.

Idiots.


Phaedrus

 

[Phaedrus]

Dude, I'm bored. Let's see what happens if I put on this vest and you shoot me.

C'mon man! Don't be a wuss! Do it! Do it! Do it!

There has to be an easier way to improve the species than this ...


Phaedrus

 

[Phaedrus]

So this guy breaks into a house, opens the Christmas presents, and gets a batch of meth going in the kitchen. Then takes a nap. He's awakened by the cops, at which point he runs through a glass door into the jaws of a waiting police dog.

I sincerely hope that that was the worst day he ever had -- any farther down the scale would be a real heartbreaker.


Phaedrus

 

[Phaedrus]

A nice holiday trifecta of asshattery:

A Mexican town has banned going nude in one's own house.

The FCC has fined a radio station for featuring a "Naked Twister" segment -- i.e. it is now apparently against the law to even sound naked on federal airwaves.

A reverend in North Carolina furrowed his brows, asked himself "What would Jesus do?" and decided that what Jesus would do would be to put an eight-months-pregnant woman and three children under six years of age out on the street in the middle of winter (he actually says, "Jesus would have done the same thing.")


Phaedrus

 

[PeteRoseJR]

98% of all religion-led people should be tortured and shot...IMO...

What a sad story....

 

[lander]

$10 says at least one of these stories was about dumass GameFarce

 

[Phaedrus]

Pop quiz boys and girls!

Who can tell me what the "M" in "MRI" stands for?

That's right -- "MAGNETIC"

Try to remember that next time, dipshït!


Phaedrus

 

[tryingtofade]

And he wondered why people called him numbnuts.......

AND THE WINNER OF THE 2004 DARWIN AWARD SHOULD BE....

Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the b all washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to le ave the course. NOTE: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.

hno:

 

[Phaedrus]

If you're going to steal a professional athlete's jersey, don't give it to your teenage daughter to wear to school the next day, retard.

M'Kay?

Phaedrus

 

[Phaedrus]

American scientist David Atkinson and his staff expended 16,000 man-hours designing and creating a device to measure the wind on Saturn's moon Titan as the Huygens probe descended through the atmosphere.

The some idiot at the ESA forgot to turn it on.

Wow.

Phaedrus

 

[Phaedrus]

If you're going to try to pass yourself off as a celebrity, it's important to research all of the little minor nuances of that person.

For example, Bruce Willis is American, not Australian.

It's the little details like that that will trip you up, *******.


Phaedrus

 

[Phaedrus]

<!--StartFragment --> Dumb: Driving with a suspended license.

Dumber: Driving a vehicle with expired tags.

Dumbàss: Claiming you're the 6' 3" Swedish owner of the vehicle when you're black, 6' 7" and speak fluent English

Phaedrus