I received via maildrop your thoughtful package today. Thank you for keeping me in mind, even though I defunded my account over two years ago due to your apparent complicity with a known scam artist in Columbia, Maryland. I will concede that you are indeed a good sport for continuing to shower me with gifts and such in exchange for a chance to get my admittedly meager post-up (typically less than $ 5,000.00 per sport per season.)
As usual, your scorebook is an outstanding tool, one which I am sure to use and from which I shall no doubt benefit. Thank you for this as well.
But what really caught my eye was this very unusual bonus gift you have enclosed. I really must say, I never thought that anything would beat that pig leather money clip/wallet combination -- surely that was the pinnacle of class, a sign to all of my friends that they were dealing with no mere eelskin sort of guy, nor some sap who wastes time on such frou-frou as pictures of his family, which really only serve to take up valuable money space after all. I cannot tell you how many beautiful, sexy women were floored when they saw me whip out my SBG-logo-embossed pigskin leather money clip/faux wallet, featuring Genuine Third World Craftsmanship™ (I cannot say for sure, but I believe the number is "0" -- but don't quote me on it.)
At any rate, nothing -- nothing -- could have convinced me that you would ever outdo yourself in terms of pure class and the refined understatement which SBG Global has come to symbolise in my mind. But sirs, my hat is well and truly off to you -- imagine my delight when I opened your package today to find a SOLID GOLD DIE, FULLY 1.25" ON A SIDE. I was, simply put, speechless. Of course, upon closer inspection this turned out to not be gold but it is surely nothing if not gold-coloured. "Why," I thought to myself, "I could play half a game of craps right here on my dining room table, with only moderate damage to the wood's surface."
But the suprise pleasures didn't stop there. Oh my, no.
Imagine my pure, unadulterated delight when I discovered the the side of the die which would otherwise feature the number "1" was instead a very very small analog clock with the SBG logo as its face!
Don't you see? SBG? The number one? It couldn't be any more classic if you had done that on purpose!
It's like a Koala Bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!
Of course, the clock eliminates the possibility of playing half a game of craps, but if my eyesight ever quadruples due to being bitten by a radioactive spider or some such, and I cannot find another clock, surely my SBG Global solid gold-coloured metal faux die clock will keep me informed as to the lateness of the hour (presuming the battery has not yet died.)
Bravo, SBG Global. Bravo.
Sincerely,
Phaedrus
PS. I notice that the envelope in which my package was enclosed rather prominently features a return address as "SBG Global Sports" in Coral Springs, Florida. How much of a cocksucker would you think me if I worked up some sort of federal raid of your Florida office, since this is just the sort of thing that eager-beaver AGs love to go after in lieu of real crimes? Don't be bashful. Tell me how much of a cocksuker you think this would make me. And um, start wiping the hard drives. Just in case.
As usual, your scorebook is an outstanding tool, one which I am sure to use and from which I shall no doubt benefit. Thank you for this as well.
But what really caught my eye was this very unusual bonus gift you have enclosed. I really must say, I never thought that anything would beat that pig leather money clip/wallet combination -- surely that was the pinnacle of class, a sign to all of my friends that they were dealing with no mere eelskin sort of guy, nor some sap who wastes time on such frou-frou as pictures of his family, which really only serve to take up valuable money space after all. I cannot tell you how many beautiful, sexy women were floored when they saw me whip out my SBG-logo-embossed pigskin leather money clip/faux wallet, featuring Genuine Third World Craftsmanship™ (I cannot say for sure, but I believe the number is "0" -- but don't quote me on it.)
At any rate, nothing -- nothing -- could have convinced me that you would ever outdo yourself in terms of pure class and the refined understatement which SBG Global has come to symbolise in my mind. But sirs, my hat is well and truly off to you -- imagine my delight when I opened your package today to find a SOLID GOLD DIE, FULLY 1.25" ON A SIDE. I was, simply put, speechless. Of course, upon closer inspection this turned out to not be gold but it is surely nothing if not gold-coloured. "Why," I thought to myself, "I could play half a game of craps right here on my dining room table, with only moderate damage to the wood's surface."
But the suprise pleasures didn't stop there. Oh my, no.
Imagine my pure, unadulterated delight when I discovered the the side of the die which would otherwise feature the number "1" was instead a very very small analog clock with the SBG logo as its face!
Don't you see? SBG? The number one? It couldn't be any more classic if you had done that on purpose!
It's like a Koala Bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!
Of course, the clock eliminates the possibility of playing half a game of craps, but if my eyesight ever quadruples due to being bitten by a radioactive spider or some such, and I cannot find another clock, surely my SBG Global solid gold-coloured metal faux die clock will keep me informed as to the lateness of the hour (presuming the battery has not yet died.)
Bravo, SBG Global. Bravo.
Sincerely,
Phaedrus
PS. I notice that the envelope in which my package was enclosed rather prominently features a return address as "SBG Global Sports" in Coral Springs, Florida. How much of a cocksucker would you think me if I worked up some sort of federal raid of your Florida office, since this is just the sort of thing that eager-beaver AGs love to go after in lieu of real crimes? Don't be bashful. Tell me how much of a cocksuker you think this would make me. And um, start wiping the hard drives. Just in case.
