I was in my mother's belly as she sat in the waiting room of the abortionist's office. Dr. Sunshine was his code name. I was fifty feet from the drainpipe, and she saw a painting on the wall that reminded her of her mother, who had recently died. She took that as a sign to have the baby. That's what I call luck.
My father drank and was a bully. For the first five years of my brother's life, my father beat him with a leather-heeled slipper. Had I been subjected to that kind of treatment, all bets are off. His absence saved my life.
My mother had great executive-secretarial jobs in the advertising business and raised two boys during the Second World War. She used to say, "I make a man's salary." That's heroism.
I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
I don't like authority and regulation, and I do my best to disrespect it, but I do that for myself. It's self-expression only.
Sex without love has its place, and it's pretty cool, but when you have it hand in hand with deep commitment and respect and caring, it's nine thousand times better.
If it's morally wrong to kill anyone, then it's morally wrong to kill anyone. Period.
It's amazing to me that literacy isn't considered a right.
I was arrested for possession and cultivation of marijuana in the early '70s, and it was thrown out. The judge asked me how I felt about it, and I said, "I understand the law, and I want you to know I'll pay the fine, but I cannot guarantee I will not break this law again." He really chewed me out for that.
Censorship that comes from the outside assumes about people an inability to make reasoned choices.
The first thing they teach kids is that there's a God -- an invisible man in the sky who is watching what they do and who is displeased with some of it. There's no mystery why they start that with kids, because if you can get someone to believe that, you can add on anything you want.
I would die for the safety of the people I love.
I wish that we could measure how much the potential of the mind to expand has been stunted by television.
Because of my abuse of drugs, I neglected my business affairs and had large arrears with the IRS, and that took me eighteen to twenty years to dig out of. I did it honorably, and I don't begrudge them. I don't hate paying taxes, and I'm not angry at anyone, because I was complicit in it. But I'll tell you what it did for me: It made me a way better comedian. Because I had to stay out on the road and I couldn't pursue that movie career, which would have gone nowhere, and I became a really good comic and a really good writer.
I stopped voting when I stopped taking drugs. I believe both of those acts are closely related to delusional behavior.
There's no morality in business. It doesn't have a conscience. It has only the cash register. They'll sell you crappy things that you don't need, that don't work, that they won't stand behind. It's a glorified legal form of criminal behavior.
If everybody knew the truth about everybody else's thoughts, there would be way more murders.
There's nothing wrong with high taxes on high income.
Lenny Bruce opened all the doors, and people like Richard Pryor and I were able to walk through them.
Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life.
I think that the assassinations of the Kennedys and Martin Luther King showed that all of the wishing and hoping and holding hands and humming and signing petitions and licking envelopes is a bit futile.
Blacks are deliberately kept down. Poor communities are deliberately underfunded.
I don't think people should get credit for being honest and brave. I think there's a lot of genetic sh** going on there.
Someday they'll find a gene for putting on your overcoat.
There's a pulse in New York, even on the quietest street, on the quietest day. It's full of potential.
If there's ever a golden age of mankind, it will not include men over two hundred pounds beating children who are less than one hundred pounds, and it will not include the deliberate killing of people in a formal setting.
I did something in a previous life that must have been spectacularly good, because I'm getting paid in this life just magnificently, more than one would dare imagine or hope for.
From George Carlin
My father drank and was a bully. For the first five years of my brother's life, my father beat him with a leather-heeled slipper. Had I been subjected to that kind of treatment, all bets are off. His absence saved my life.
My mother had great executive-secretarial jobs in the advertising business and raised two boys during the Second World War. She used to say, "I make a man's salary." That's heroism.
I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
I don't like authority and regulation, and I do my best to disrespect it, but I do that for myself. It's self-expression only.
Sex without love has its place, and it's pretty cool, but when you have it hand in hand with deep commitment and respect and caring, it's nine thousand times better.
If it's morally wrong to kill anyone, then it's morally wrong to kill anyone. Period.
It's amazing to me that literacy isn't considered a right.
I was arrested for possession and cultivation of marijuana in the early '70s, and it was thrown out. The judge asked me how I felt about it, and I said, "I understand the law, and I want you to know I'll pay the fine, but I cannot guarantee I will not break this law again." He really chewed me out for that.
Censorship that comes from the outside assumes about people an inability to make reasoned choices.
The first thing they teach kids is that there's a God -- an invisible man in the sky who is watching what they do and who is displeased with some of it. There's no mystery why they start that with kids, because if you can get someone to believe that, you can add on anything you want.
I would die for the safety of the people I love.
I wish that we could measure how much the potential of the mind to expand has been stunted by television.
Because of my abuse of drugs, I neglected my business affairs and had large arrears with the IRS, and that took me eighteen to twenty years to dig out of. I did it honorably, and I don't begrudge them. I don't hate paying taxes, and I'm not angry at anyone, because I was complicit in it. But I'll tell you what it did for me: It made me a way better comedian. Because I had to stay out on the road and I couldn't pursue that movie career, which would have gone nowhere, and I became a really good comic and a really good writer.
I stopped voting when I stopped taking drugs. I believe both of those acts are closely related to delusional behavior.
There's no morality in business. It doesn't have a conscience. It has only the cash register. They'll sell you crappy things that you don't need, that don't work, that they won't stand behind. It's a glorified legal form of criminal behavior.
If everybody knew the truth about everybody else's thoughts, there would be way more murders.
There's nothing wrong with high taxes on high income.
Lenny Bruce opened all the doors, and people like Richard Pryor and I were able to walk through them.
Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life.
I think that the assassinations of the Kennedys and Martin Luther King showed that all of the wishing and hoping and holding hands and humming and signing petitions and licking envelopes is a bit futile.
Blacks are deliberately kept down. Poor communities are deliberately underfunded.
I don't think people should get credit for being honest and brave. I think there's a lot of genetic sh** going on there.
Someday they'll find a gene for putting on your overcoat.
There's a pulse in New York, even on the quietest street, on the quietest day. It's full of potential.
If there's ever a golden age of mankind, it will not include men over two hundred pounds beating children who are less than one hundred pounds, and it will not include the deliberate killing of people in a formal setting.
I did something in a previous life that must have been spectacularly good, because I'm getting paid in this life just magnificently, more than one would dare imagine or hope for.
From George Carlin
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/06/24/snl-to-air-first-ever-epi_n_109039.html
George Carlin, the comedy legend who died on Sunday at the age of 71, became a part of television history on October 11, 1975, as the host of the first-ever episode of "Saturday Night Live." This Saturday, the show, which just completed its 34th season, will pay tribute to Carlin by re-airing that first episode, live from Studio 8H.
Said SNL creator and exec producer Lorne Michaels in a release today: "You never forget the people who were there at the beginning. George Carlin helped give 'Saturday Night Live' its start as our first host. He was gracious, fearless, and most important of all, funny."
The musical guests for the debut episode were Janis Ian and Billy Preston, with a special performance from Andy Kaufman. Carlin performed three monologues, and it was the debut of future stars like John Belushi, Chevy Chase, Dan Ackroyd and Gilda Radner. It also featured a short film by Albert Brooks; Five-Timers Club member Paul Simon announcing that he'd be hosting the next week; the Bees, which became the first-ever SNL recurring characters; and, oddly, The Muppets.
This is going to be some serious appointment television (okay, fine, maybe not as much for those who already have the complete first season. But still.) It's a rerun that is not often seen — NBC used to run classic episodes in the 3 a.m. repeat slot — and, according to an NBC spokesman, the last time it aired was at 3 a.m. on February 26, 2005. Of course, that's an hour that historically is not unfamiliar to any SNLers — especially that first season cast! — but even so, it's cool that the first-ever episode is airing in prime-SNL time, and acknowledging its debt to its first-ever host.
The full rundown of the episode, including transcripts, is here.....http://humor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://snltranscripts.jt.org/index.phtml you wonder how they packed it into 90 minutes. I guess we will see on Saturday.
George Carlin, the comedy legend who died on Sunday at the age of 71, became a part of television history on October 11, 1975, as the host of the first-ever episode of "Saturday Night Live." This Saturday, the show, which just completed its 34th season, will pay tribute to Carlin by re-airing that first episode, live from Studio 8H.
Said SNL creator and exec producer Lorne Michaels in a release today: "You never forget the people who were there at the beginning. George Carlin helped give 'Saturday Night Live' its start as our first host. He was gracious, fearless, and most important of all, funny."
The musical guests for the debut episode were Janis Ian and Billy Preston, with a special performance from Andy Kaufman. Carlin performed three monologues, and it was the debut of future stars like John Belushi, Chevy Chase, Dan Ackroyd and Gilda Radner. It also featured a short film by Albert Brooks; Five-Timers Club member Paul Simon announcing that he'd be hosting the next week; the Bees, which became the first-ever SNL recurring characters; and, oddly, The Muppets.
This is going to be some serious appointment television (okay, fine, maybe not as much for those who already have the complete first season. But still.) It's a rerun that is not often seen — NBC used to run classic episodes in the 3 a.m. repeat slot — and, according to an NBC spokesman, the last time it aired was at 3 a.m. on February 26, 2005. Of course, that's an hour that historically is not unfamiliar to any SNLers — especially that first season cast! — but even so, it's cool that the first-ever episode is airing in prime-SNL time, and acknowledging its debt to its first-ever host.
The full rundown of the episode, including transcripts, is here.....http://humor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://snltranscripts.jt.org/index.phtml you wonder how they packed it into 90 minutes. I guess we will see on Saturday.
tonight starting @ 8pm on HBO-2 through 2am
8pm George Carlin: On Location at USC (1977)
9:30pm George Carlin Again! (1978)
11:00pm Carlin at Carnegie Hall (1983)
Midnight Carlin on Campus (1984)
1am George Carlin: Playin' With Your Head (1986)
Thursday 6-26
8pm George Carlin: What Am I Doing in New Jersey (1988)
9pm George Carlin: Doin' It Again (1990)
10pm George Carlin Jammin' in New York (1992)
11pm George Carlin: Back in Town (1996)
12:05am George Carlin/You Are Diseased (1999)
1:10am George Carlin: It's Bad for Ya (2008)
and NBC will be playing the first ever SNL with George Carlin as host this Saturday
8pm George Carlin: On Location at USC (1977)
9:30pm George Carlin Again! (1978)
11:00pm Carlin at Carnegie Hall (1983)
Midnight Carlin on Campus (1984)
1am George Carlin: Playin' With Your Head (1986)
Thursday 6-26
8pm George Carlin: What Am I Doing in New Jersey (1988)
9pm George Carlin: Doin' It Again (1990)
10pm George Carlin Jammin' in New York (1992)
11pm George Carlin: Back in Town (1996)
12:05am George Carlin/You Are Diseased (1999)
1:10am George Carlin: It's Bad for Ya (2008)
and NBC will be playing the first ever SNL with George Carlin as host this Saturday
