Cows and Politics

[Dave007inVegas]

E-mail I received. Though I would share.

Political Science for Dummies

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows..
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other,
and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find
alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders

 

[DarrylParsons]

THE RX POLITICS FORUM

You have two cows
Your neighbor has none but he's jealous so he cuts, pastes and spams until you can't enjoy your two cows anymore.
Other neighbors join in, some on your side, others on his.
A fist fight erupts, there is chaos everywhere.
A mod steps in and quarantines the unruly neighbor.
There is peace again.
You still have two cows, nothing has changed.

 

[bblight]

DEMOCRAT ELTIST

You have two cows.
The guy down the street has two cows
Your neighbor has no cows.
You force the guy down the street to give one of his cows to the neighbor.
You keep both of your cows because you need them.
You rent one of the cows to the government
With the rental proceeds, you buy a big SUV and polute the atmosphere.
You blame the guy down the street for the pollution and take his other cow for yourself because you need it.

 

[Mistermj]

Cow story

Early in life you discover cows.
They work much better and are more productive than your goats were.
You now have two cows...needing only the milk from one...selling the rest.
Life is good...you prosper...your family grows.

You share your good fortune with your neighbors, teaching them how to raise and milk cows. Sometimes you profit from sharing this knowledge and sometimes your neighbors have nasty arguments amongst themselves and all your time and hard work goes for naught...they kick you out and make you go home...even after you have taught them how to raise cows.

Your towel headed neighbors that fight all the time have a farm with only sand for dirt. They used to raise camels...but now they raise cows. In fact its cow heaven. Cows pop up out of the sand nearly effortlessly. You can't figure it out...but it works. They build gold domed silos, and farm with golden tractors. Life is good, but for some reason they still hate you.
As your family grows, you need more milk and agree to buy it from them cheaply...in return...you will protect them from their towel headed neighbors that want to kill them. Some of their neighbors have cows that pop out of the sand too. But no matter what...they all hate you.
Life is still good...your families all prosper and grow.

As your family grows you need still more milk...as your farm will only support two cows...and its not enough anymore. You buy milk from your friendly neighbor to the north. He talks funny but never gives you any problems. You both jump over each other fences for shortcuts and there is never a problem. He sells you his extra milk for a fair price. He doesn't have any cows, but gets his milk from sand. He boils the sand...and out comes milk. You can't figure it out..but it works.

One day you look out the window just in time to see a golden tractor from the towel head farm smash into your silo. Then another a few minutes later. Despite some crazy neighbors who think it was a hologram, your silos fall down, also taking out the doghouse. Some neighbors write books about the doghouse and the fact that you never found tractor parts near the silos. They also saw glowing tractor metal...but you never did.You can't figure it out...but you know your silos and doghouse are gone.

You still need milk from this neighbor or your family will starve. You make excuses for him and look the other way. He still hates you. YOu decide the best way to handle it is to drain his swamp which harbors his most dangerous relatives...and some day this will also allow you to go after him...after you figure out how to distill milk from your windmill and solar mirror. So far...you only get a few drops and it costs more than your tractors.

After all this confusion you remember you have fertile pastureland you set aside to the north of your farm and all along its fenceline. You want to use it to raise more cows, but some members of your family say no. It won't be available for 10 years anyway....and it will ruin the pasture. YOu don't understand...because they never go to that pasture anyway. In fact...they don't like to get their feet dirty...and its a long hard walk out to that pasture.

So you buy more milk from the towelheads with the golden tractors. But your family criticises you for that too. It seems no matter what you do...they complain. Now they are talking about replacing you with a guy that wears bicycle helmets and brings hope. You know he doesn't even know how to run this farm, but he speaks well and promises health care to the hired hands. You would like to see the old man Johnny take another shot at running the farm. But he's getting old...and he's crashed a few tractors in his day too. He even got strung up for it once...way way down the road where the weeds grow tall. And don't even get me started about his liquor store wife. Meanwhile...the price of milk keeps going up...and it doesn't look like anyone can run the farm.

 

[DarrylParsons]

That's pretty good MJ. Did you just write that from scratch, or is it from another time or place?

 

[Mistermj]

That's pretty good MJ. Did you just write that from scratch, or is it from another time or place?

LOL...nah...I just wrote it with my Sunday morn coffee. Maybe its dumb...but it was kind of fun to think about in twisted terms.

 

[DarrylParsons]

Not dumb at all. I'd give it an A+ for spontaneous creativity. Maybe I should drink more coffee LOL

 

[barman]

Grumpy Old Man

All the cow shit in the world is the fault of Liberals, Commies, Pinkos and Homos - iow, Every Other Guy But Me

 

[paftraft]

Didn't Obama's Luo Tribe relatives in Kenya have some kind of trial and convicted Clinton of badmouthing Comrade Obama with the penalty being 3 cows to the tribal council. What ever happened there?