Cool things about being a man

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1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
3. Your last name stays put.
4. The garage is all yours.
5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
10. Same work .. more pay.
11. Wrinkles-add character.
12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
17. One mood, ALL the damn time.
18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
20. You can open all your own jars.
21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking ''He must be mad at me."
27. No maxi-pads.
28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
35. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
36. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.
37. The world is your urinal.


Ten Things men know for sure about women.
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10. They have breasts
 

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18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds

Thank God my GF understands that a 1/2 hr before game time the phone is for calls to Pinnacle and Olympic only
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Not only funny but for the most part pretty dead-on. In that vein, I used to have a white sock drawer with different white socks (the athletic kind), and because the socks were different I had to match them up before putting the fckers in the drawer, otherwise I'd end up with mis-matched socks (which look stupid on the basketball and racquetball courts) or I'd have to stand there looking for them. Fvck that - one day I simply dumped all the fcking socks into my garage 'rag pile' and went out and bought around 30 pairs of identical socks, 5 bags of 6 for chump change. Now I just dump 'em all into the drawer and never have to think about it.

One other thing about being guys - farts and belches are prized for their originality.

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How about instead of washing just buying more clothes. And having at least one months supply of underwear and socks.
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you'll notice that 30 pairs of socks lasts a month ... I did the same thing with underwear, just not as many pairs
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Actually, you must count a leap day every 4 years for the proper calculation:

((366/12) + (3*(365/12)) ) / 4 = 30.4375 socks per month

I have a chart posted in the bathroom which tells me which days during the year I need to wear sandals to make up for the sock shortage. Sure, it can get pretty frosty in February but it's far easier than going to the trouble of going shopping for a SINGLE PAIR OF SOCKS. I considered also simply wearing one of the pairs inside-out with the clean surface against my feet, but testing revealed that the resulting nausea from the odors from the soiled outside surface eliminated this idea from serious consideration.
 

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Hate, when I am calling 800 558 1483 I prefer to tell my girlfriend that I need an hour to myself, because that's how long it takes me to get in without a busy signal. Love their book, but their phones are brutal.
 

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