60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on
personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had
prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little
worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
''Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but
I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair
in places that I've never grown hair before.''
The doctor reassured her, ''A little hair growth is a perfectly
normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair
appeared?''
''On my testicles, which is something else I want to talk to you
about...,'' replied the lady.
-------------------------------------------------
Banana Love Cake
Ingredients: 2 whole nuts, 1 large banana, 2 strong arms, 2 well
shaped legs, 1 fur lined mixing bowl, 4 loving eyes.
Mixing instructions: Look into eyes, part legs. Gently squeeze milk
jugs. Continue until bowl is well greased. Add banana, top with nuts.
Move in and out until cake is well creamed. Sigh with relief, let
cool. Do not lick the bowl. If cake starts to rise, get out of town
FAST!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told
that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse
and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going
price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey
instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead
and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!
The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS
SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it
in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S
ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity
that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.
The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS. This was
too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the
donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The
Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of
the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.
The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00. This was
too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the
donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline
in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop
was buried the next day.
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on
personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had
prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little
worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
''Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but
I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair
in places that I've never grown hair before.''
The doctor reassured her, ''A little hair growth is a perfectly
normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair
appeared?''
''On my testicles, which is something else I want to talk to you
about...,'' replied the lady.
-------------------------------------------------
Banana Love Cake
Ingredients: 2 whole nuts, 1 large banana, 2 strong arms, 2 well
shaped legs, 1 fur lined mixing bowl, 4 loving eyes.
Mixing instructions: Look into eyes, part legs. Gently squeeze milk
jugs. Continue until bowl is well greased. Add banana, top with nuts.
Move in and out until cake is well creamed. Sigh with relief, let
cool. Do not lick the bowl. If cake starts to rise, get out of town
FAST!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-----------
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told
that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse
and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going
price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey
instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead
and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third!
The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS
SHOWS. The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it
in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S
ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity
that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.
The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS. This was
too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the
donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The
Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of
the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00.
The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00. This was
too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the
donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go. Next day, the headline
in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop
was buried the next day.
