ATTN : Mods. Can we rename the Politics forum to "Candian Politics, 'God save the Queen'"?

[lander]

I'd like to recommend banning anyone that shows support for that little nazi George W Bush & his staff of tyrants as this is now a Canadian forum and we do not need to lower ourselves to the filth of America.

Topics should only include "The Queen and her grace", "The Parliment : an efficient 'Congress'" and "Mike Myers, International Superstar".

Thanks

 

[Jazz]

 

[lander]

Put your pants on, you hoser.

This is a Canadian forum now, eh.

 

[Jazz]

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.

His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?"

"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave.

"Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade."

 

[JESUS]

Canadian is correct spelling i know this because im from canada eh.

 

[Jazz]

Q: Why do Canadians screw doggy-style?

A: So both can watch the hockey game.

 

[Jazz]

Q: How many newfees does it take to make a chocolate chip cookie?

A: One to hold the cookie, and one to squeeze the rabbit.

 

[happyday]

jesus is a canadian??what next your going to tell me moses is a pollock??lol...............just kidding,

 

[Jazz]

An American, a Scot and a Canuk were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."

He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."

 

[lander]

Mod,
Can you please ban this redneck Jazz character? His disrespect to the Queen is intolerable.

 

[Jazz]

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Ottawa parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the Prime Minister for assistance.

The conversation went like this: "Bon Jour. Jean Chretien, How might I help you?" And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at your favourite Parish. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Wouldye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"

The Prime Minister, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!" There was dead silence on the line for a long moment. Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, that's certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."

 

[Jazz]

Noah in Canada

A little updated Bible story, if Noah lived today...

The Lord came to Noah in Canada in the year 2003. Earth was wicked and overpopulated. The Lord instructed Noah to build an ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans. Here's the blueprint," said the Lord. "Hurry. In six months I start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

Six months later the rain came down. The Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his flooded yard -- and no ark.

"Noah," He roared, "Where's my ark?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "Things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a
sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I have violated the zoning laws by building the ark in my yard and the height limitation is being exceeded. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then
Transport Canada and the Department of Highways and Hydro One wanted a bond posted for the future costs of moving power, trolley and other overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the ark's move to the sea. I argued the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of this."

"Getting wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. No go! I gathered the animals, but then I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in so confined a space."

"Environment Canada decided that I could not build the ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. The trade unions want me to hire only union trades people with ark building experience. To make
matters worse, Canada Customs and Revenue Agency seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally and with endangered species."

"So, forgive me Lord, but it would take at least 10 years to finish this ark."

Suddenly the skies cleared and the sun began to shine. A rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder. "You mean you're not
going to destroy the world?" he asked.

"No," said the Lord, "your government already has!"