unless you have been through it there's no way to understand what alcoholism does to the mind. it makes you think that everything and everybody in your life is a problem and alcohol is the only thing that is helping you to cope. stopped drinkin 23 yrs ago because I would have rather been dead than go on existing like that,but I lost the mother of my kids to the disease. aa saved my life...remember that you are not dealing with the girl you married. you are dealing with alcoholism and an alcoholic will go to the end of the earth to protect their supply. if you interrupt you will be the enemy...my heart goes out to you..love her all you can but don't trust her no further than you can throw a volkswagon...
Beef,the first thing to know is,there is nothing you can do or say to make her stop drinking.If she wants a drink she is going to drink.Usually its the other way around,usually the other person (you)would move out due to her excessive drinking and can't take it anymore.She needs to hit her bottom and realize that she is powerless over alcohol and her life has become unmanageable.You see us alcoholics don't see it as others do,and don't believe they have a problem.They will blame anybody else for their problems before they blame themselves and admit that they have a problem.This is a very nasty disease and its the leading killer in the country.
I myself am an alcoholic,and i am sober for 21 years now and i never took anybody's advice that i had a problem until everything and everybody was slipping away in my life and it wasen't until then that i seen i was that bad.I ruined a lot of things in my addiction and almost lost my family,friends and most of all my life.This is not a easy disease to kick and don't let anybody tell you otherwise,but if she can come to terms with HERSELF and see that she is losing everything she has then she's on the right track to recovery.She needs also to go to what they have are AA meetings and hear other peoples stories on how their life was a living hell and that they were lucky enough to find the rooms of AA.Now for your own sake,don't be surprised if she relapses and goes out again and drinks,as that is not uncommon.Some people don't get it the first time and come back one two sometimes three times before they find out its not worth it to keep drinking and they need help..She also would be wise to enter a rehab and learn what this means to her and also be away from alcohol for a period of time.Like i said,she will not quit until she wants to,not you or anybody else can do it for her and you have to let her suffer through it and see that she is losing everything she has because of her drinking.Now i'm not saying not to be supportive with her but that comes with time and she will see that she needs people in her life that means the most to her.This is a tough process and its a lifetime commitment that she realizes that she can never drink again,cause this is not a fix all and then think they can drink again down the road,cause it will only get worse for her and all around her.......i wish you the best of luck through all of this,cause its ugly to see someone go through this,that loves her like i see you do.
what aa and alanon has taught me is that first of all I have tg save myself...iow,do not drive yourself insane tryin to figure this out. treat her as you would a sick friend and not as a bad person ..addictions will not respond to logic and reason so don't even try it. you;ll wind up in the nuthouse.lol....somehow or another she will have to be separated from the alcohol so she can see what the problem actually is...denial is the most amazing thing..
I actually got a random message from mine yelling at me today..assuming its stemming from.a friend of mine bumping into her at dui court on Monday. My friends are alot less cool about the situation then I have been. Took the upper road as per the norm while I'm shat upon in some whirlwind tirade.
I have a little trick to help motivate oneself when trying to cease using whatever substance.
First of all I'm a heavy drinker , I have no intentions of quitting either, but I take breaks every now and then for a few weeks,for no reason in particular. I did flat out quit smoking or using tobacco in any form
I stopped smoking marijuana or using any cannabis products, probably been 10 years since I smoked pot, but I didn't quit, I'd smoke a J right now if a friend brought one by, just to be sociable, no on tobacco, I'd most likely pass on stuff like coke,meth, LSD and the like, too many unknowns as to what may be in those things.
I did enough of that shit in my 20's, I'm in my 50's now, don't do that stuff . Weed has lost its appeal especially since I could easily enough just go Massachusetts and buy it legally, fuck the laws about bringing it back, virtually no chance of getting busted on that. I'll never do tobacco or powder type drugs ever again, never have or would shoot up heroin or such.
I have every intention of smoking weed again someday, I don't have to worry about random drug tests or a probation officer or anything like that !
I would do those mushrooms again, it's a natural thing, awful taste, but I'd do it once or twice again, then not quit, just stop, it's been at least 25 years since I last ingested some of those !
But back on topic !
Don't think of it as quitting, instead call it stopping, it's less final that way and might be just the psychological crutch you need, even if you're just fooling yourself, I don't need that emotional crutch, I'm honest with myself, I've lived long enough don't really care if I drop dead this morning, life's been good so far, but it is temporary
K-sir-ah, whatever will be , will be !
First of all I'm a heavy drinker , I have no intentions of quitting either, but I take breaks every now and then for a few weeks,for no reason in particular. I did flat out quit smoking or using tobacco in any form
I stopped smoking marijuana or using any cannabis products, probably been 10 years since I smoked pot, but I didn't quit, I'd smoke a J right now if a friend brought one by, just to be sociable, no on tobacco, I'd most likely pass on stuff like coke,meth, LSD and the like, too many unknowns as to what may be in those things.
I did enough of that shit in my 20's, I'm in my 50's now, don't do that stuff . Weed has lost its appeal especially since I could easily enough just go Massachusetts and buy it legally, fuck the laws about bringing it back, virtually no chance of getting busted on that. I'll never do tobacco or powder type drugs ever again, never have or would shoot up heroin or such.
I have every intention of smoking weed again someday, I don't have to worry about random drug tests or a probation officer or anything like that !
I would do those mushrooms again, it's a natural thing, awful taste, but I'd do it once or twice again, then not quit, just stop, it's been at least 25 years since I last ingested some of those !
But back on topic !
Don't think of it as quitting, instead call it stopping, it's less final that way and might be just the psychological crutch you need, even if you're just fooling yourself, I don't need that emotional crutch, I'm honest with myself, I've lived long enough don't really care if I drop dead this morning, life's been good so far, but it is temporary
K-sir-ah, whatever will be , will be !
Liquid Death. Destroyed me once so bad that I cannot even handle the scent of it anymore.
The problem with substance addiction is that as the spouse or loved one, you can only contribute to making the addiction worse, while having no power to solve the problem of the other person's addiction.
That's great news. Glad to hear that it all worked out. The only thing I've ever been addicted to was cigarettes back in my 20's. I couldn't even imagine craving alcohol in the same manner. With alcohol I could take it or leave it, but have had some nights of over indulgence. Can't even imagine having to live those types of nights everyday, and can see where it can destroy life. Glad you guys worked it out.
Lolz. Sounds like a PR statement for the media by a pro athlete.... or his wife logged in and typed that.
No offense, bro. Just joking around.
The truth is it's a crazy world and close to nobody gets to live the perfect life. And if one does attain the perfect life, it is but a temporary state.
In all honesty it probably could be said that it's a tough life, but it is even more difficult in nature for women.... and perhaps moreso with the cultural manipulation going on at the present levels.
Have a good one tomorrow.
No offense, bro. Just joking around.
The truth is it's a crazy world and close to nobody gets to live the perfect life. And if one does attain the perfect life, it is but a temporary state.
In all honesty it probably could be said that it's a tough life, but it is even more difficult in nature for women.... and perhaps moreso with the cultural manipulation going on at the present levels.
Have a good one tomorrow.
Hangovers just get replaced by withdrawal.
Which is much, much worse. Difficult to fathom for someone who hasn't experienced it.
That is why the alcoholic eventually gets to the point where he has to keep drinking. Basically stay drunk to avoid the discomfort.
Which essentially is drinking to feel normal, instead of for pleasure.
Then the longer you have stayed that way, the worse the withdrawals get, so the more you have to drink to resolve it.
Vicious cycle.
I would drink to kill withdrawal. So I could function.
As you said, so that the alcohol would never leave my system.
Rarely was the goal to actually get drunk. At least near the end.
But it's a tough balancing act, as it is nearly impossible to control your intake at that point.
So you intend to have a couple drinks to kill the shakes, and end up drunk as fuck at extremely inopportune times.
Which is when shit starts to fall apart with relationships and employment. People who haven't lived it aren't that understanding (understandably so).
It's an extremely lonely place to find yourself, even if surrounded by friends.
As you said, so that the alcohol would never leave my system.
Rarely was the goal to actually get drunk. At least near the end.
But it's a tough balancing act, as it is nearly impossible to control your intake at that point.
So you intend to have a couple drinks to kill the shakes, and end up drunk as fuck at extremely inopportune times.
Which is when shit starts to fall apart with relationships and employment. People who haven't lived it aren't that understanding (understandably so).
It's an extremely lonely place to find yourself, even if surrounded by friends.
