A Truly Canadian Apology to USA

Courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes

CBC Television:

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an
apology to the
United States of America. We haven't been getting
along very well recently
and for that, I am truly sorry.

I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron
but, it wasn't nice
of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the
fact that he's a moron
shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America.
After all it's not like
you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we
have more trees than
you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber
that's cheaper and better
than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our
defence I guess our
excuse would be that our team was much, much, much,
much better than yours.

I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the
war of 1812. ! I notice
you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do
with your beer
but, we Feel your Pain.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when
you're going up
against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends
by your side. I
realize it took more than two years before you guys
pitched in against
Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had
weapons.

I'm sorry about that Liberal MP calling you guys:
"Damned Americans" We
know some of you are good people.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that
we're constantly
apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way
which is really a thinly
veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not
upset over this. We've
seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

 

[Jazz]

It might matter if it was important what Rick had to say, but it doesn't to me because goold old Rick isn't. Everyone's entitled to an opinion, even France, except of course in countries like Iraq USED TO BE (well, shortly, anyway).

 

[corey]

This guy is the absolute king of caustic sarcasm.

 

[KennyB]

Hey, I'll give you 50 cents on the dollar. Now get the fvk out of here.

 

[grantt]

That was priceless and sums it up nicely.

 

[gamblingislife]

zzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Hey, I'll give you 50 cents on the dollar. Now get the fvk out of here. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Another typical American statement. Please think and articulate your thoughts carefully before typing anything that can make you look foolish!

 

>Please think and articulate your thoughts carefully

Coming from IvaN the plagiarizer.

 

[SaintJoe57]

Canadians and the French = Same thing!
You belive the fvk'n Canadians let the Gov take away thier guns! What idiots!
Best of luck no matter what side you are on!

 

FatFrank

 

Ivan the Terrible

 

[SanJose]

I don't know why I bother, but

IVAN and/or GRANTT,

I know facts are optional in your world, but this is about the third time I've seen you post something to the effect that Canada burned the White House and WON the War of 1812.

I was curious where you would come up with such idiocy, so I did some research on the internet and there really is a Canadian Professor who has made this a popular view in Canada. There are at least a dozen references to this "victory" on the internet.

One big problem. It's WRONG. And worse yet, it's factually impossible since Canada did not even exist as a nation in 1812.

Read a book or two. You will find that ALL respected historians agree on the facts concerning the burning of the White House, which by the way took place in 1814 not 1812.

During the War of 1812, the British and American forces traded victories for the first two years of the war. The American highlight being when they burned down the British colony known as Toronto. The British main victory came when the burned down the new American city known as Buffalo.

In 1814, the British Navy attempted a bold sea assault on Washington, DC. New troops brought from England got as close as possible to Washington and then landed approximately 5,000 troops under the command of British General Robert Ross. Ross and the British sacked the city, forcing US President James Madison to flee.

Both sides traded victories for the remainder of the war and mutually agreed to a Peace Treaty just over a year after the burning of the White House, and ironically about 4 days BEFORE the US won a massive victory at the Battle of New Orleans under future President General Andrew Jackson.

This is FACT verified by historians on all sides of the conflict. So please inform Rick Mercer and whatever other Stoonadians who espouse this ludicrous theory that the BRITISH ARMY burned the White House and Canada did not even exist at the time.

 

A CANADIEN THANK YOU TO AMERICA....

would go something like this...


THANK YOU AMERICA, our kind but strong friend to the south. thank you for having a border with our weak country so that no others come here to kick our ass and take our land.

we know we say stupid things sometimes, but we really do appreciate the blanket of protection you provide to us.

 

I sincerely hope that you're not
upset over this. We've
seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

 

[df1wiseguy]

Just a funny I received recently:

Top 10 reasons Canada will not join the U.S. in War on Iraq:

10. We have no way of getting there.
9. We're too busy at home with the maple syrup season.
8. Iraqis don't drink Labatt's beer.
7. Saddam's name pronounced backwards is "Mad Ass". We'll stay away from
him.
6. There is only limited potential for sales of Canadian bacon in Iraq
after the war.
5. Our Sea King helicopter was damaged and needs repairs.
4. Céline Dion can't sing to the troops because she has a contract in Las
Vegas.
3. The rivers in Iraq are too shallow for our war canoes.
2. Our army is needed at home in case of another snow storm in Toronto.
1. HELLO! HOCKEY PLAYOFFS ARE STARTING!

Bonus Reason:
No Tim Horton's in Iraq.

 

[buddyboy]

Burning the White House? Canada?

Never heard that story before today.

Are they really teaching that to people in Canada?

Kinda like how china changes history in their books.

Didn't Canada become a nation around the 1860's-70's

 

It's funny either way.

 

[Jointpleasure]

Most Canadiens don't even know that they live in a socialistic country. As long as the government don't take their 1963 14' Lund boat with a 15hp Mercury outboard they seem content. They do have reason to be proud of their beer though. Labatt's and Molson - good stuff.

 

[SanJose]

Ivan/Grantt,

Are you guys still there? What's wrong, the truth frighten you away?

Jack Dee,

No, if we were so inclined we could have taken over Canada long ago. In fact, Iraq would put up a much better fight than Canada. If we went to war with Canada, we wouldn't even have to send the Armed Forces. A decent sized L.A. Street Gang could conquer Canada. Personally, I'd much rather come and conquer your home country of Greece. I love chicks with the dark hair and dark skin, and as an added bonus, your chicks like it up the ass.

NOTE TO JACK DEE AND ALL CANADIANS--This is comic parody not meant to be taken seriously, so lighten up if you're pissed off.

 

[WillWalk]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> Another typical American statement. Please think and articulate your thoughts carefully before typing anything that can make you look foolish! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I can't believe you had the balls to write this Ivan, seeing as you are without a doubt one of the biggest fools this site has ever seen. Don't get me wrong, I've found your court jester act very entertaining over the past year. It's always best when you get the sense that the village idiot truly doesn't realize he IS the village idiot. But to hear you make negative generalizations about "typical Americans" isn't just stupid, it's wrong.

Unless of course you plagerized that statement, then tell whoever wrote it to eat dog poop.