This is what happened to me just getting there. I'm not kidding you.
*After I go through security in the CR airport and I'm about to board the plane, I get pulled out of the line by a security bitch (who barely finished high-school at el "Nocturno de Alajuela") and she decides she wants to check my bag again and scan me with a metal detector. Bitch makes me pull everything outta my nicely packed bag, makes me stand facing the wall, legs and arms spread out, and proceeds to scan me with a portable metal detector. She makes me take off my shoes and carefully checks them. This is one of those times I wish I had smelly feet.
*I make it to the "Migra" in the Miami Airport, what a fucking shithole. Beaners, blacks and white trash all over the place. I was lucky enough to arrive at the same time as a religious band from Panama, 40 motherfuckers, all of them wearing proudly a shirt to indentify them... Panama flag, a religious figure and some psalm or a prayer or some religious bullshit. And to be honest with you, half of them looked like criminals. Fucking "band-camp panderetas", and to make it worst they're all dressed in reggaeton-style clothes like its cool. Ok so the line is fucking huge on a Tuesday and I'm lucky enough to be in line behing a tico with the fucking worst case of dandruff I've ever seen. The "Immigration Officer", Hector, is a fucking Mexican who thinks he's gringo 'cause his parents were lucky enough to run across the border without being caught. The asshole starts asking me questions. Oh, the tico in front of me had already pissed him off and he got sent to another room with another Immigration Oficial who escorted him all the way, poor kid. Ok, so this chicano asshole starts asking me question like what I was there for, when was the last time I had been to the US, how long had I stayed last time I was there, how much money I had on me, if I had credit cards, how long ago I had bought my ticket. The "time" questions I couldn't answer, I just guessed, who the fuck keeps track on when they travel exactly... He's going through my passport up and down multiple times checking how many times I had been to the US, all this bullshit and he finally asks me to prove him I have a ticket back home, so I pull out my intinerary and he says "Ok, you're all set". I'm thinking, what the fuck, why didn't you ask for this to begin with and save us all some time. Fucking piece of shit, he probably feels important doing that shitty job. Mexicano de mierda, me cago en la puta que lo pario.
*I make it to the Security Check Point for the AA Terminal in the Miami Airport, I have a conecting flight to Tampa. The line again is fucking huge, no hot chiks to look at, and the same fuckers from Panama in line. I go through security and they scan my bag and a very fat black lady whose eyes look in opposite directions tells me she wants to check my bag separately, I swear I had no idea when she was looking at me, freaky shit her eyes. I'm like "ok, go ahead". I get pulled aside and she asks me if I have any sharp objects in my bag, I give her the "you're such a dumb ****" look, do you really think I'm that stupid to be carrying that kinda shit in my carry-on. She pulls everything out of my bag onto a metal table, takes the small stuff, puts it in a plastic bin and scans the whole shit again. She says, "You're ok, sorry about the delay. Do you want me to pack your bag for you?". So I check my stuff making sure she didn't steal anything and that the laptop I got back is actually mine. Airport Security, how fucking dumb do you have to be to apply for a job like that?
*Finally, my lovely girlfriend was there to pick me up.
Fuck, I look nothing like a criminal, I'm as white as a latino can be, more educated than any of these fucks. Fuck them all, I hope they all have miserable lives, especialmente el mexicano hijo de puta ese de migracion.
*After I go through security in the CR airport and I'm about to board the plane, I get pulled out of the line by a security bitch (who barely finished high-school at el "Nocturno de Alajuela") and she decides she wants to check my bag again and scan me with a metal detector. Bitch makes me pull everything outta my nicely packed bag, makes me stand facing the wall, legs and arms spread out, and proceeds to scan me with a portable metal detector. She makes me take off my shoes and carefully checks them. This is one of those times I wish I had smelly feet.
*I make it to the "Migra" in the Miami Airport, what a fucking shithole. Beaners, blacks and white trash all over the place. I was lucky enough to arrive at the same time as a religious band from Panama, 40 motherfuckers, all of them wearing proudly a shirt to indentify them... Panama flag, a religious figure and some psalm or a prayer or some religious bullshit. And to be honest with you, half of them looked like criminals. Fucking "band-camp panderetas", and to make it worst they're all dressed in reggaeton-style clothes like its cool. Ok so the line is fucking huge on a Tuesday and I'm lucky enough to be in line behing a tico with the fucking worst case of dandruff I've ever seen. The "Immigration Officer", Hector, is a fucking Mexican who thinks he's gringo 'cause his parents were lucky enough to run across the border without being caught. The asshole starts asking me questions. Oh, the tico in front of me had already pissed him off and he got sent to another room with another Immigration Oficial who escorted him all the way, poor kid. Ok, so this chicano asshole starts asking me question like what I was there for, when was the last time I had been to the US, how long had I stayed last time I was there, how much money I had on me, if I had credit cards, how long ago I had bought my ticket. The "time" questions I couldn't answer, I just guessed, who the fuck keeps track on when they travel exactly... He's going through my passport up and down multiple times checking how many times I had been to the US, all this bullshit and he finally asks me to prove him I have a ticket back home, so I pull out my intinerary and he says "Ok, you're all set". I'm thinking, what the fuck, why didn't you ask for this to begin with and save us all some time. Fucking piece of shit, he probably feels important doing that shitty job. Mexicano de mierda, me cago en la puta que lo pario.
*I make it to the Security Check Point for the AA Terminal in the Miami Airport, I have a conecting flight to Tampa. The line again is fucking huge, no hot chiks to look at, and the same fuckers from Panama in line. I go through security and they scan my bag and a very fat black lady whose eyes look in opposite directions tells me she wants to check my bag separately, I swear I had no idea when she was looking at me, freaky shit her eyes. I'm like "ok, go ahead". I get pulled aside and she asks me if I have any sharp objects in my bag, I give her the "you're such a dumb ****" look, do you really think I'm that stupid to be carrying that kinda shit in my carry-on. She pulls everything out of my bag onto a metal table, takes the small stuff, puts it in a plastic bin and scans the whole shit again. She says, "You're ok, sorry about the delay. Do you want me to pack your bag for you?". So I check my stuff making sure she didn't steal anything and that the laptop I got back is actually mine. Airport Security, how fucking dumb do you have to be to apply for a job like that?
*Finally, my lovely girlfriend was there to pick me up.
Fuck, I look nothing like a criminal, I'm as white as a latino can be, more educated than any of these fucks. Fuck them all, I hope they all have miserable lives, especialmente el mexicano hijo de puta ese de migracion.
