25 Reasons You Might Be a Liberal

[tocco05]

25 Reasons You Might Be a Liberal
by <ACRONYM title="John Hawkins">John Hawkins</ACRONYM>


With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, you just might be a liberal if...
* You're sure the Constitution explicitly guarantees the right to abortion and gay marriage, but not the right to own a handgun.
* You think Dan Quayle is the dumbest Vice-President we ever had because he believed a flash card that misspelled "potato," but think Obama is a genius despite the fact he believes we have more than 57 states.
* You'd be more upset about your favorite candidate being endorsed by the NRA than the Communist Party.
* You think the same criminals who use guns in the commission of a crime will just hand them over to comply with the law if guns are made illegal.
* You know that 86% of all income taxes are paid by the top 25% of income earners and you still feel that the rich "aren't paying their fair share of the taxes."
* You put a higher priority on oil pipelines possibly inconveniencing a few caribou than you do on lowering the price of gas for everyone in the country by drilling ANWR.
* You're worried that Osama Bin Laden might not get a fair trial if we capture him, but want George Bush thrown in prison for being too zealous in protecting us from Al-Qaeda.
* You get infuriated when you hear about the CEO of a Fortune 500 company making tens of millions of dollars, but don't see a problem with an actor, basketball player, or trial lawyer making the same amount.
* You're constantly seeing subtle, coded racism in campaign ads, but see nothing racist about blacks being promoted over more qualified white applicants because of Affirmative Action.
* You think it's obscene that oil companies are allowed to make 8.3 cents per gallon in profit with gas prices this high, but would never suggest cutting the 13 cents per gallon they pay on taxes to reduce the price of gas.
* You think George Bush is a chickenhawk because he wanted to fight in Iraq and Afghanistan despite the fact that he only served in the National Guard, but you don't think the same about Barack Obama, who has never served in the military and probably couldn't find either country on a map without help.
* You think protesting outside of abortion clinics is extremism and should be illegal, but carrying around giant puppet heads while wearing a t-shirt that compares Bush to Hitler is just exercising your First Amendment rights.
* You think the case for global warming is proven without a shadow of a doubt, but that we need another century or two worth of evidence to figure out if capitalism and free markets work better than socialism.
* You believe the best way to fix the government screwing something up in the market is with...drumroll, please...more government intervention.
* You think the first thing we should have done when Russia invaded Georgia was to take the matter to the United Nations, where Russia sits on the UN Security Council.
* You spend your days criticizing the use of private jets, SUVS, and luxurious houses that consume enormous amounts of resources and then ride in an SUV to the airport, get on your private plane, and fly home to your luxurious house.
* You have more nice things to say about countries like Cuba and France than you do about your own country.
* You think the war in Iraq is unwinnable, but victory in the war on poverty is going to happen any day now if we can just get the Democrats back in charge.
* You won't even support English as our national language, but can't seem to understand why people worry about tens of millions of illegal aliens changing our culture.
* You think censorship is absolutely wrong; except when it's applied to conservatives on college campuses or on talk radio via the fairness doctrine.
* You get more upset about an American soldier accidentally killing a civilian than you do about a terrorist deliberately blowing up a school bus full of kids.
* You think Fox News is hopelessly biased to the right, but MSNBC, CNN, NBC, ABC, and CBS call it right down the middle.
* You think the real hero of the Cold War was Mikhail Gorbachev.
* You couldn't care less about what Americans in states like Kansas or Virginia think of you, but you would be greatly upset if a Frenchman gave you a dirty look because you're an American.
* You think kids in public schools should have to watch Earth in the Balance and read Heather Has Two Mommies, but no piece of literature with the word "Jesus" on it should be allowed within a hundred yards of a school.

 

[Dave007inVegas]

Tocco, you certainly are on a roll :missingte

 

[festeringZit]

25 Reasons You Might Be a Liberal
by <acronym title="John Hawkins">John Hawkins</acronym>


With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy, you just might be a liberal if...
* You're sure the Constitution explicitly guarantees the right to abortion and gay marriage, but not the right to own a handgun.
* You think Dan Quayle is the dumbest Vice-President we ever had because he believed a flash card that misspelled "potato," but think Obama is a genius despite the fact he believes we have more than 57 states.
* You'd be more upset about your favorite candidate being endorsed by the NRA than the Communist Party.
* You think the same criminals who use guns in the commission of a crime will just hand them over to comply with the law if guns are made illegal.
* You know that 86% of all income taxes are paid by the top 25% of income earners and you still feel that the rich "aren't paying their fair share of the taxes."
* You put a higher priority on oil pipelines possibly inconveniencing a few caribou than you do on lowering the price of gas for everyone in the country by drilling ANWR.
* You're worried that Osama Bin Laden might not get a fair trial if we capture him, but want George Bush thrown in prison for being too zealous in protecting us from Al-Qaeda.
* You get infuriated when you hear about the CEO of a Fortune 500 company making tens of millions of dollars, but don't see a problem with an actor, basketball player, or trial lawyer making the same amount.
* You're constantly seeing subtle, coded racism in campaign ads, but see nothing racist about blacks being promoted over more qualified white applicants because of Affirmative Action.
* You think it's obscene that oil companies are allowed to make 8.3 cents per gallon in profit with gas prices this high, but would never suggest cutting the 13 cents per gallon they pay on taxes to reduce the price of gas.
* You think George Bush is a chickenhawk because he wanted to fight in Iraq and Afghanistan despite the fact that he only served in the National Guard, but you don't think the same about Barack Obama, who has never served in the military and probably couldn't find either country on a map without help.
* You think protesting outside of abortion clinics is extremism and should be illegal, but carrying around giant puppet heads while wearing a t-shirt that compares Bush to Hitler is just exercising your First Amendment rights.
* You think the case for global warming is proven without a shadow of a doubt, but that we need another century or two worth of evidence to figure out if capitalism and free markets work better than socialism.
* You believe the best way to fix the government screwing something up in the market is with...drumroll, please...more government intervention.
* You think the first thing we should have done when Russia invaded Georgia was to take the matter to the United Nations, where Russia sits on the UN Security Council.
* You spend your days criticizing the use of private jets, SUVS, and luxurious houses that consume enormous amounts of resources and then ride in an SUV to the airport, get on your private plane, and fly home to your luxurious house.
* You have more nice things to say about countries like Cuba and France than you do about your own country.
* You think the war in Iraq is unwinnable, but victory in the war on poverty is going to happen any day now if we can just get the Democrats back in charge.
* You won't even support English as our national language, but can't seem to understand why people worry about tens of millions of illegal aliens changing our culture.
* You think censorship is absolutely wrong; except when it's applied to conservatives on college campuses or on talk radio via the fairness doctrine.
* You get more upset about an American soldier accidentally killing a civilian than you do about a terrorist deliberately blowing up a school bus full of kids.
* You think Fox News is hopelessly biased to the right, but MSNBC, CNN, NBC, ABC, and CBS call it right down the middle.
* You think the real hero of the Cold War was Mikhail Gorbachev.
* You couldn't care less about what Americans in states like Kansas or Virginia think of you, but you would be greatly upset if a Frenchman gave you a dirty look because you're an American.
* You think kids in public schools should have to watch Earth in the Balance and read Heather Has Two Mommies, but no piece of literature with the word "Jesus" on it should be allowed within a hundred yards of a school.

100% spot on.

 

[tocco05]

Tocco, you certainly are on a roll :missingte

:toast:

 

[tocco05]

100% spot on.

:drink:

 

[Dave007inVegas]

tocco, you going to make it to the bash?

 

[kingbill]

 

[roadreeler57]

Right on target

 

[Willie99]

"IIIIII like it"

I know bardude knows what I'm talking about here

 

[straightcashhomie]

Glad I'm a Conservative.

 

[Samhain]

BRAVO !!!

This should be a C/P for every forum.

 

[bblight]

You Might Be A Democrat If...

* You own something that says, "Dukakis for President, " and still display it.
* You've ever said, "We really should call the ACLU about this."
* You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its
preferred tree.
* You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But they can afford a tax hike because..."
* You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.
* You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.
* You can't talk about foreign policy without using the word conspiracy.
* You think Ralph Nader makes a lot of sense.
* You don't understand why anyone was bothered by Jane's trip to Hanoi.
* You think solar energy is being held back by those greedy oil companies.
* You actually expect to collect Social Security.
* You think the State of Florida should have tried to reform Ted Bundy.
* You think the Great Society has actually worked.
* You got teary-eyed during the film "The American President."
* Your house smells like a garbage dump because of your commitment to recycling.
* You think political patronage describes the Kennedy family.
* Your High School Year Book goals included the words "help people."
* You think the Free Market is where they hand out Government cheese.
* You think Carter should be on Mt. Rushmore.
* You believe personal injury lawyers when they say they are just trying to defend the little guy.
* You know that those profit mongering drug companies could find a cure for AIDS if they really wanted to.
* You actually believe the NY Times and Washington Post.
* You are friends with at least one Vegan.
* You trust Teddy Kennedy when he said that she was driving.
* You think the anti-war protestors from '60s are the real heroes.
* You think that Supply Side Economics refers to your dope dealer's stash.
* You think Michael Jackson is a great example of diversity.
* You actually think that poverty can be abolished.
* You admire the Swedish welfare system.
* You know that Jefferson really meant to say "Entitled to Happiness."
* You think the Flat Tax should be at 95%
* You go to Gay Pride Day parades so that no one can call you homophobic.
* After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is undertaxed."

 

[JoeContrarian]

You Know You're a Liberal ....


* If you think Rob Reiner had to stretch to play the liberal in "All in the Family"

* If you think the answer to ANY crime, infraction, or injustice is counseling.

* If you've spent no less than 30 years in the walls of academia and don't see how today could be too much different from the '60s.

* If you think the criminal has more rights than the police who arrest this criminal, unless the crime is sexual harassment, or racism.

* If you use the term 'open-minded' and don't care that it can't be defined in absolute terms.

* If you think only white people can be racist.

* If Clarence Thomas made you sick, Bob Packwood made you protest, but Bill Clinton is a victim of partisan politics.

* If you think that teenager's sexual behavior is uncontrollable, but hardened violent criminals should be released on parole after serving a cut sentence in a "correctional institution".

* If you think Maxine Waters and Sheila Jackson Lee are articulate geniuses but Justice Clarence Thomas, Dr. Alan Keyes and Dr. Walter Williams are dolts.

* If you think Rush Limbaugh and Michael Reagan are mean spirited racists and promote hate crime but Maxine Waters, John Conyers and Louis Farakahn aren't and don't.

* If you think that the Constitution is a living document and should be changed but the writings of Karl Marx are "written in stone".

* If you think burning the United States flag should be Constitutionally protected but burning a cross should be outlawed.

* If you think that tax cuts hurt poor people and are uncompassionate but taking 30% from their paychecks is compassionate

* If your idea of hell is having to mind your own business and not meddle in other people's lives.

* If you believe that posting the "Ten Commandments" in schools will hurt the children, but putting "Heather Has Two Mommies" or "Ask Alice" (on the internet) won't.

* If you think that the American Dream could have only been accomplished in the '60s.

* If you actually do believe that Clinton doesn't know the definition of the words "alone", "is", or "correct".

* If you think that the only way the tragedy in Littleton, CO could have been avoided was to restrict the access of the guns, two of which were bought on the black market.

* If you actually think the multicultural movement of the '90s works better than organized religion.

* If you don't want the Christian Right imposing their morality on you, but you want to impose big government on everyone else because they won't do the right thing.

* You're a liberal if you can't see the irony in your own beliefs.

* If you can actually believe everyone around Bill Clinton is lying, but Bill Clinton himself is telling the truth.

* If you point to God's forgiveness of King David in reference to Bill Clinton but "forget" to read the rest of the scripture about the ruin that he inflicted on his family, his kingdom and himself.

* If you think that the only acceptable hate crime is Christian bashing.

* If your idea of compassion is giving a homeless person a shopping cart but expecting them to accept the responsibilities of life is mean spirited, racist, bigoted, etc. ad nauseum.

* If you think that "dumbing down" America's school kids is compassionate but holding them to high educational standards is "mean spirited", racist, bigoted, etc. ad nauseum.

* If you think that Teddy Kennedy, Jesse Jackson and the KKK don't have anything in common (at least the KKK is honest about their goals).

* If you think that people need to be punished for good choices and rewarded for bad ones.

* You're a liberal if you think what Hitler did to the Jews is horrible but the "Christian Right" is dangerous and needs to be done away with.

* If you don't see the parallel between yourself, Adolph Hitler, Josef Stalin and Chairman Mao.

* If you believe that the "700 Club" are a group of fakes or actors but the people on "The Jerry Springer" show are real people.

* If you think that affirmative action is the only way to solve racial problems in America.

* If you think the best way to care about a disease is to wear a ribbon.

* If you think that pouring blood on a $1,500 fur coat is a sure-fire way to get your message across, but if anyone protests outside an abortion clinic, they're extremists!

* If Sean Hannity makes no sense and Alan Colmes makes perfect sense.

* If you voted for Mondale in 1984 thinking that raising your taxes was a good idea.

* If you refer to listening to Jesse Jackson or Sam Donaldson as "equal time".

* If you make snide remarks to guys for looking at women but champion Clinton's right to do whatever he wants with his interns.

* If you think the impeachment vote was 'just about sex'.

* If you think all the attacks against Republicans are justified, but got outraged about the Willie Horton incident.

* If you actually think Clinton 'only inhaled'.

* If the last 'good old president' you remember was Carter.

* If you condemn Dan Quayle for misspelling potato and then ignore the witticisms of Al Gore (who are these people?)

* If you think Alec Baldwin was justified in his protest on the Jay Leno show.

* If you actually think there IS a way that the Republicans can poison the water supply to certain people, and destroy the ozone layer.

* If you believe any of the conspiracies such as that the AIDS virus was started by the government or that certain products cause sterility in black males, but think "The X-files" is too far fetched.

* If you think that Watergate and Iran-Contra was a travesty of justice, but anything against Clinton is partisan!

* If you believe Clinton's 'change of heart' after the sudden switch in the 1994 election.

* If you use the words "right wing extremist" at least four times in any given day.

* If you think that the four cops who beat Rodney King should have been thrown in jail forever, but the four thugs who beat Reginald Denny should have fair justice.

* You complain that your community has too many white people and the Catholic church you go to doesn't have enough ethnicity, but you're the first one with a for sale sign in your yard when blacks start moving in.

* You called Vietnam Veterans "baby killers" but think that allowing a woman to suck her baby into a sink is a constitutionally protected right.

* You think that Joe Camel and big tobacco are out to kill your babies, but allowing a babies brain to be sucked out of its skull when it's 1/3 of the way out of the birth canal is paramount to a free society.

* You scream if a CEO sleeps with an employee but think that Clinton receiveing oral sex from an Intern is just fine.

* You believe that Clinton was forced to lie under oath by the "Vast Right Wing Conspiracy"

* You think that Ken Starr is the devil's helper for calling Monica's mother to testify but believe that Ollie North's wife and minister being called before the grand Jury was fair.

* You believe Clinton's numbers about the number of jobs created and don't credit it to the businesses given opportunities in the 1980s.

* You know no recorded economic history (e.g. the massive stagflation and recession) before the Reagan Era.

* You think sexual harassment is rampant, date rape pervasive, domestic violence common and Paula Jones is lying.


* You pale at the execution of child killers, but defend the killing of unborn children as an expression of choice.

* You fully support women who have "exercised their right to choose" when they abort in the 3rd trimester, but think Amy Grossberg should get the death penalty before the trial even goes to court.

* You think trees have feelings, animals can conceptualize and the fetus is a blob of protoplasm.

* You wear a red ribbon to show your support for a cure for AIDS but oppose all animal experimentation needed to find that cure

* If you hear a news report of a man beat nearly to death because he is a minority or gay and you rally about punishing the bigot who committed the terrible act BUT, if you hear a news report of a man beat nearly to death for his money, and you start talking about the poor disadvantaged person who is forced to commit such acts to survive.

* You are convinced that Frank Capra films and Norman Rockwell paintings are lies and distortions but "Platoon," "Dances with Wolves" and "Thelma and Louise" are realistic.

* You thought Walt Disney was saccharine sweet and terminally cutesy-pie - until it made Pocahontas.

* You think a moment of silent prayer at the beginning of the school day constitutes government indoctrination and an intrusion on parental authority, while sex education, condom distribution and multiculturalism are values-neutral.

* You agonize over threats to the natural environment (acid rain, toxic waste) but are oblivious to threats to the social environment (pornography, promiscuity, and family dissolution).

* You are appalled at all the money being spent investigating the alleged illegal activities of Bill Clinton, but insist that investigating 75 charges (74 which were dismissed as unfounded) charges against Newt Ginrich was "the only just thing to do."

* You want to outlaw cigarrettes and legalize marijuana

* You want to legalize cocaine and outlaw handguns. You think cops are pigs and criminals are products of their environment.

* You believe the National Rifle Association helps criminals while the American Civil Liberties Union protects the innocent.

* You just know that everything Rush Limbaugh says is a lie but you have never listened to him.

* Jesse Jackson makes sense to you. Barbra Streisand makes even more sense.

* You think Herblock cartoons are funny and Janet Reno is totally hot.

* You believe corporate profits are obscene but government spending is too low and the American people are undertaxed.

* You see cartoons condemning religions and making fun of Christianity as funny and an expression of free speech, but think the cartoon B.C. should be banned.

* You think deficits are caused by tax loopholes.

* You think AIDS is spread by insufficient funding.

* You consider the Catholic bishops noble and idealistic when they oppose capital punishment and welfare cuts but dangerous fanatics trying to legislate their theology when they defend the right to life.

* You are convinced that proponents of welfare reform hate the poor and opponents of affirmative action hate minorities, but AIDS activists who bash the Pope and People for the American Way types who go psycho over Protestant "fundamentalists" are guardians of democracy.

* You attribute every minority problem to entrenched, institutional racism and the legacies of slavery and segregation.

* You think the black middle class is a myth created by Newt Gingrich.

* You don't understand all of the whining about affirmative action and are more than willing to sacrifice someone else's employment or education opportunity to assuage your guilt.

* You see no correlation between welfare and the rise of illegitimacy, judicial leniency and surging crime rates, or addiction and an entertainment industry that glorifies drug abuse. But you believe Richard Nixon is responsible for everything horrible that's happened in the past quarter-century.

* You think those child-abusing, religious fanatics at Waco had it coming but the illegal immigrants roughed up by California deputies - after leading them on a high-speed chase - are the victims of the decade.

 

[Samhain]

It's amazing when you think about how true all of this is.

 

[Dave007inVegas]

A thread like this is totally what i expected of scumbags like you... keep up the good work guys you soon will be competing against chris rock or ellen degeneres for a comedy spot n tv. Oh wait, you hate to even breathe the same air as "niggers" and "dykes"

Classy post :bowl:

 

[straightcashhomie]

It's amazing when you think about how true all of this is.

Agreed; well said.

 

[straightcashhomie]

A thread like this is totally what i expected of scumbags like you... keep up the good work guys you soon will be competing against chris rock or ellen degeneres for a comedy spot n tv. Oh wait, you hate to even breathe the same air as "niggers" and "dykes"

Typical Liberal; yelling, screaming, name calling, etc. and no valid point. Sounds like a great way to get your message across.

 

[JoeContrarian]

Classy post :bowl:

What else would you expect?

Liberals pride themselves on living in a perma-state of immaturity and irrationality.

And the immature and irrational always lash out at the mature and responsible -- what children do.

Modern feeling-centric liberalism is a state of perpetual adolescence.

If you’re not a liberal when you’re 25, you have no heart. If you’re not a conservative by the time you’re 35, you have no brain.”

-- Sir Winston Churchill

 

[Dave007inVegas]

What else would you expect?

Liberals pride themselves on living in a perma-state of immaturity and irrationality.

And the immature and irrational always lash out at the mature and responsible -- what children do.

Modern feeling-centric liberalism is a state of perpetual adolescence.

[/I]

Not a damn thing. Pullingpuds certainly isn’t a one of a kind type gay. He fit’s the classic mold of child throwing tantrum. I think it has something to do with poor potty training or shiting in the woods and wiping his ass with dry leaves.

 

[JoeContrarian]

It's amazing when you think about how true all of this is.

Of course its all true. Why do you think the Pelosi-Reid-Obama Democrats are pushing for the "Fairness Doctrine?"

I'll tell you why:

In the free market of ideas, the left gets CRUSHED.

Left wing policy(s) = group think. Group think only works in isolation, i.e, if you're an ivy league professor or journalist and your turd polishing colleagues agree with everything you say. They even have a name for it: "peer review."

So naturally, whenever someone posts a counter-argument to left wing insanity, liberals suffer a melt down. Thus all they can ever uke1:up in response is childish invective and ad homimen attacks (see any random "barnman" or pullingtriggers post).