WHat's the strangest lubricant you have used in a pinch to masterbate or have sex? LMFAO!?

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I knew a guy once who was banging this girl all night long...well in the AM he tried for one for the road...she was extremely tight and totally dry (true story, he could NOT get his monster in the barn)

LMAO- after several attempts to get the horse in the gate he went to his kitchen cabinet and broke out the old Crisco can, polished his member and proceeded with caution
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Crisco the grease that delivers, even in the sack
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LMFAO. . one time like 3-4 years ago i tried to lubricate a chics asshole with strawberry chapstick. .it didnt work. .one of those dumb girls thats so gassed up by you, she will let you do anything.
 

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Told this story on this forum a year or so ago. Friend of mines wife was out of town on business one night he felt the need to rub one off. Went to the medicine cabinet and grabbed a tube of lotion. He began to whack when he said he felt a painful burning sensation. Turned out it was a prescription lotion and it worked REAL well, well enough to take a little bit of skin off his cock
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Poor bastard had to avoid sex with his wife for a week + till it heeled
 

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exteremly funny Crank Yankers skit where a guy calls a local 7-11 saying he used bbq sauce for anal now his ass is burning like hell, he gets the clerk to suggest whipped cream next time. Very funny skit if you get the chance to see it.
 

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Can we find her and hang out a little.
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by RobFunk:
LMFAO. . one time like 3-4 years ago i tried to lubricate a chics asshole with strawberry chapstick. .it didnt work. .one of those dumb girls thats so gassed up by you, she will let you do anything.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
 

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pussy juice is still the best lubricant for a chics ass. once you get her through the first few sessions of anal youre good to go. after about 10 days it will feel like youre sticking your dick in a snug peep hole except there is nothing on the other side. best way to describe it. .im sure when these chics take a dump the water from the toilet splashes up and hits them in the face, due to the fact the turd is falling much faster and from a higher point. interesting.
 

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http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/05/...sonal-lubricant-allegedly-destroys-his-penis/

Man sues after personal lubricant allegedly destroys his penis


By David Ferguson
Friday, May 17, 2013 13:44 EDT
man-holding-crotch-shutterstock.jpg

Topics: Courthouse News ServiceMichael Lowephiladelphia




A Philadelphia man filed suit in the Philadelphia County Court of Common Appeals alleging that a personal lubricant caused his penis to burn and swell causing permanent disfigurement and loss of sensation. According to the Courthouse News Service, Michael Lowe sued the The Kama Sutra Co. and Kamsut Inc. of Thousand Oaks California as well as the sex shop in Philadelphia where the lubricating and desensitizing gel was purchased.
Lowe said that prior to September 1, 2012, he had used Kama Sutra Pleasure Balm Prolonging Gel without incident, but on that day he applied the product before putting on a condom to have sex with his fiancée. During intercourse, the couple were interrupted. Lowe waited for his fiancée to return to bed, but experienced “excruciating pain and pressure in his penis,” according to the suit.
“He removed the condom and his penis swelled significantly. He sought emergency medical treatment and follow-up care thereafter,” reads the complaint.



The swelling irreparably damaged the tissues of Lowe’s penis and resulted in “permanent scarring and disfigurement of the penis, permanent loss of sensation in the penis, permanent loss of functioning of the penis, permanent nerve damage to the penis, permanent tissue damage to the penis, and the inability to ejaculate.”
Lowe, who is represented by Thomas Kline of Philadelphia’s Klein and Specter, is seeking damages for the injuries, as well as recovery of lost wages and recompense for pain, suffering and humiliation. The gel was defective, he said, and his injuries are the result of negligence on the part of the manufacturer and “were in no way caused by acts or omissions on his part.”
 

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I worked in corrections for 10+ years, we had a inmate who would steal shit off the staff desk so I took a empty bottle of hand cream and filled it with ben gay ..................... it went missing around 1pm 1 day ........................ 20 minutes after lights out I heard screaming from the dudes bunk
 

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I knew a guy once who was banging this girl all night long...well in the AM he tried for one for the road...she was extremely tight and totally dry (true story, he could NOT get his monster in the barn)

LMAO- after several attempts to get the horse in the gate he went to his kitchen cabinet and broke out the old Crisco can, polished his member and proceeded with caution
1036253673.gif


1036316054.gif
Crisco the grease that delivers, even in the sack
thumbsup.gif

Never use Crisco, its shortening!
 
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my girl likes anal sex, I'm not into that much. Its hot to feel her gush from her pussy without nothing touching it but I enjoy oral or vagina much more.

the best lube is from the pussy.
 

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LMFAO. . one time like 3-4 years ago i tried to lubricate a chics asshole with strawberry chapstick. .it didnt work. .one of those dumb girls thats so gassed up by you, she will let you do anything.
AWESOME. Classic RobFunk material here
 

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