MARCH 10, 2015
TORONTO, ONTARIO - In an unprecedented move, Toronto Maple Leafs mascot, Carlton the Bear, has asked to be traded.
After another lack luster defeat on home ice, Carlton threw is jersey on the ice in frustration.
“Nobody will do the wave because there are so many suits in the crowd. Kids are crying cause the team is losing. The game isn't even over and fans are streaming for the exits faster than Phil Kessel back checks, I've had enough, I want to be traded to a contender”.
The news set the hockey rumor mill ablaze as three franchises, the Rangers, Flyers and Oilers currently do not have a mascot. However, hockey insider, Darren Dreger, confirmed that Carlton the Bear would not waive his no-trade clause to go to Edmonton.”
“I’ll do anything to get outta here. I’ll take a dump at center ice and wipe my ass with Charmin Ultra if that’s what it takes.”
Dreger confirmed that Leafs GM, Dave Nonis has set the asking price for Carlton at 3 first round picks, but then quickly volunteered to fill the mascot vacancy when he gets fired any day now.
