Rodney Dangerfields Greatest 1 liners

[dantheman77406642]

I like.

" I went to the proctologist and he stuck his finger in my mouth"

 

[michael777]

dan,you are a posting machine tonight

 

[DickyW]

I told the lady from ALL STATE what I want to put in your hands you'll never sell me insurance.

Went to the dentist and told him my teeth were yellow, he said wear a brown neck tie.

My wife likes to talk to me during sex, she calls me from hotels all the time.

My wife wants to have sex in the back seat of the car, she wants me to drive.

I told the bartender, suprise me...He shows me a naked picture of my wife.

I was an ugly kid, so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid that came with the wallet

 

[hondaman1]

I called the suicide hotline, they put me on hold

 

[HateTheRiverCard]

"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio"

"I met the surgeon general, He offered me a cigarette!"

"A girl phoned me the other day and said, 'Come on over; nobody's home.' I went over. Nobody was home"

 

[HateTheRiverCard]

"My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend"

"My Uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair"

"I was so poor growin up, if I wasn't a boy, i'd have had nothing to play with."

 

[DickyW]

Some of his staple one liners:

She was known as a two bagger, you put a bag over your head in case the one on hers falls off.

My wife told me to take the garbage out, I said you cooked it you take it out.