Man's wife missing.......>>>>>>>>

[HacheMan]

A man comes home to find his housewife missing with the house destroyed. After being missing for 2 days, the husband begins to fear the worst. On the third day, he comes home to surprisingly and joyfully find his wife in their bedroom. The husband says "Honey, are you ok, I've been so worried about you"......The wife says "Yes, I'm ok, three men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week".....The husband then replies "But honey, it's only been 3 days"........The wife then says " I know, I'm just here to get some clean clothes"......

 

[1cheater]

 

[Tekari]

lol excellent

 

[PatrickMcIrish]

 

[IDENTITY]

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating
for over a year, and so
we decided to get married.
My parents helped us in every way,my friends
encouraged me, and my
girlfriend?
She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much
indeed, and that one
thing
was her younger sister. My prospective
sister-in-law was twenty years
of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut
blouses. She would regularly
bend down when quite near me and I got many a
pleasant view of her
underwear.
It had to be deliberate.
She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come
over to check the
wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived.
She whispered to me that
soon I
was to be married, and she had feelings and
desires for me that she
couldn't overcome and didn't really want to
overcome. She told me that
she wanted to make love to me just once before I
got married and committed my life to
her sister.
I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and
if you want to go
ahead with it just come up and get me."
I was stunned.
I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the
stairs. When she
reached the top she pulled down her panties and
threw them down the stairs at
me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went
straight to the front
door.
I opened the door and stepped out of the house.
I walked straight towards my car.
My future father-in-law was standing outside.
With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We
are very happy that
you
have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for
a better man for our
daughter. Welcome to the family."
The moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.

 

[MARSELLUS]

The Unconcerned Widow

An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each other. When they had a fight, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. He constantly told his wife in front of all the people in the town: "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
The neighbors believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs and strange sounds at all hours. He was quite feared and enjoyed it very much.

Then the man died abruptly under strange circumstances and there was a closed-casket funeral. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors approached in a group to ask if she wasn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.

The wife put down her drink, smiled and said, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"

 

[MARSELLUS]

The Devoted Wife

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to his senses, he motioned for her to come near him.
As she sat by him, he said, ''''You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?''''

''''What, my dear?'''' she asked gently.

''''I think you bring me bad luck.''''