'When your look needs a little extra je ne sais quoi, top it off with a pair of these!' the website description continues. 'Cold Nips are everything you'd ever want in a fake nipple... and more! What's more, you ask? They're subtle. They're sexy. They're so freaking cute!
'Feeling down? Not anymore! Voila - the perfect perk!'
And for anyone who wants to take that perk to the next level, the brand's 'freezing' option could be just the ticket.
'These babies are cheaper than implants, that's for sure! How do we put this... Freezing Nips are the WMDs [weapons of mass destruction] of nipple erectors,' the online blurb explains.
'They are potent. They are lethal. They'll cut through glass, steel, Teflon, you name it - while giving everyone at the party something to talk about behind your back - in a good way, OBV (they're so jealous).
'Pair with your favorite graphic tee for that effortlessly sexy vibe models are always doing but let's get real - you'll want them on under your tightest sweater for the hottest cold look in the game.'