In the Year 2000

[DimeBag]

In the year two-thousand........


"People will stop going to Las Vegas when they learn that Las Vegas in Spanish means 'The suckers from Ohio.'"


"After Keith Richards goes to a dermatologist because of a strange fuzz growing on his face, it will be determined that a Rolling Stone can indeed gather moss."

"In an inspiring interview Madonna will reveal how by dedicating ourselves to motherhood, meditation and spirituality we can all one day appear in an ad campaign for 'The Gap.'"

"In the lesbian version of 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' gay women go to a straight woman's apartment and add more electrical outlets."

"Scientists will discover that the foreskin is the biological center of happiness and contentment. Jews all over the world will say 'It figures!'"

"Adding a second string to a regular yoyo a black toy inventor will invent the 'yoyoyo.'"

"Cookie lovers all over the world will be horrified when Oreo reveals that the stuff in their doublestuft oreos is a substance scraped off of Mickey Rourke."

"Marijuana will still be illegal except for medicinal purposes. However medicinal purposes will be expanded to include getting wasted in hospital parking lots." "Mike Tyson will admit that the reason he went bankrupt was because he bet someone a billion dollars that he could go a day without 'going all crazy and s...'"

 

[DimeBag]

In the year two-thousaaaaaaaaaand......

"After being convicted, Michael Jackson escapes from prison disguised as a black man who likes grownups."

"Parents will no longer let their kids watch SpongeBob SquarePants, when it's revealed that SpongeBob once worked as a female contraceptive."

"Major-league baseball will finally crack down on steroids, Barry Bonds will again lead the Majors in homeruns with 3."

"After being criticized for killing hundreds of semi-domesticated pheasants on their last hunting trip, Dick Chaney and Antonin Scalia will take up fishing. Their first grenade kills 300 fish. æ"

Clay Aiken will clear up all the uncertainty about his sexual preference when he releases his next album, 'I'm Aiken for Men.'"

In an effort to appear more youthful and smooth faced, John Kerry will announce his running mate - Clint Eastwood.

"President Bush will throw out the first pitch at the St. Louis Cardinals opening game. Bush will then pitch the rest of the game, when he insists that replacing him now would send the wrong message to our enemies."

"Police will accuse Woody Allen of being a mass murderer, and adding insult to injury, they will tell him they prefer his earlier, funnier, murderers. "

"A law will be passed allowing women to kill one ex-boyfriend with no consequences. Longhaired base-players named Steve will be wiped off the face of the earth." "A mad scientist will switch the brains of Bill O'Reilly and Al Franken. As a result, Bill O'Reilly will support liberal causes and Al Franken will masturbate to old John Wayne movies."

 

[BeatPete]

good stuff