Like wide-open spaces? Vancouver (B.C.) International Airport is your terminal. Shopping? Amsterdam's Schiphol Airport is your preferred stopover in Europe. Tidy? Dubai International Airport, winner of the latest International Air Transport Association customer survey, fits the bill.
The good airports are easy to find. They pop up on every "best-of" list. They're no secret.
The bad ones? Well, that's another story. No one I know of conducts "worst-of" polls. If they do, they're not widely publicized. That's a shame, because it's these terminally awful terminals that you need to know about.
I'm here to help. By popular request, here are my five worst international airports. I've cobbled this list together with the help of this column's readers, my personal experience, and the survey data I was able to find.
But before I name names, allow me two quick disclaimers. First, this list is biased toward destinations where you're likely to travel. For example, one reader stationed in Iraq nominated Baghdad International Airport as one of the world's worst — a designation I'm not inclined to argue with. But which of us is planning a trip to Iraq anytime soon?
Second, and most important, if your hometown airport shows up here, please don't fire an indignant e-mail saying I've insulted every inhabitant of your city. I'm still counting the missives I got after I said the New York area's three major airports tied for first place as the worst airports in the United States. Really, folks, I love New York. I just don't like its airports.
Here we go:
London Heathrow (LHR). This airport is so laughably bad that it deserves its own category. It's a dark, confusing maze blocked with security checkpoints staffed by humorless bureaucrats. And just when you think you've found your gate, you're forced to board a rickety bus that takes you to yet another dark, confusing maze of a terminal. On my last visit to this airport, I contracted a wicked case of Norwalk virus, the dreaded gastrointestinal ailment known for infecting cruise passengers. Thanks a lot, Heathrow. Matt Petersen, who works for a nonprofit organization in Alexandria, Va., says he's willing to overlook the cigarette smoke and confusing layout at Heathrow, "but there's no getting around the annoyance of that long, twisting, lurching bus ride." Indeed, there isn't.
One redeeming quality: The airport employees. Apart from the stone-faced security guards, the gate agents, customs officials, and airline employees I've met are friendly and apologetic about the monstrosity they work in. Adds Sharon Adcock, a consultant from Manhattan Beach, Calif.: "The shopping isn't bad, either."
Mexico City (MEX). Benito Juarez Airport is Mexico's tribute to Heathrow, to hear passengers talk about it. More of the same problems plague this airport, from confusing terminals to inefficient luggage-delivery systems, to the ever-present smoke. (As a point of disclosure, when I travel south of the border, it's always by land. Sounds as if that's the smart choice.) "Hellish," rants Oriana Tickell de Castelló, a magazine editor from Mexico City. "I hate arriving on a long-haul flight to Mexico City. The luggage bands are too small to allow people to get close to it to pick up their luggage, especially from a large aircraft. Chaos ensues."
One redeeming quality: A new state-of-the-art extension of the east end of the airport recently opened, relieving some of the congestion. Unfortunately, it's not enough and now there's talk of building another airport to take the pressure off of Benito Juarez Airport.
Frankfurt, Germany (FRA). When readers nominated Frankfurt for my "worst international airports" list, I was skeptical. I used the airport frequently when I lived in Frankfurt a few years ago — never with much of a problem. So I decided to investigate it one more time to see if I was missing something. It turns out that I was. The walk between my gate and the luggage claim area was far too long to be called a walk. It was more of a hike. Cigarette smoke? Yeah, they've got that too. I couldn't even find the luggage claim area for my flight and ended up having to re-enter the secured area after making several wrong turns. Departing from Frankfurt is equally difficult, according to Alan Bloom, an executive with a sign company in Louisville, Colo. "Teutonic efficiency has been jettisoned in favor of total chaos," he complains. "The last time I had the misfortune of connecting in Frankfurt there was only one open security station between terminals and a mob of people spread out trying to squeeze into a single line. I was reminded of the scene in 'The Killing Fields' where the horde of people was trying to get into the French embassy."
One redeeming quality: Say what you want about the airport, the train connections into Frankfurt are excellent. That's something that can't be said for a lot of American airports.
Moscow Sheremetyevo (SVO). It's probably unfair to compare this outdated, communist-era airport to anything in Western Europe. Then again, no one ever accused me of being fair, at least when it comes to my series of columns on airports (OK, to be perfectly honest, a lot of you did agree with my previous selections). This facility really makes the worst of the American airports seem not so bad. It is a crowded, gloomy terminal in which your senses are assaulted by the odors of unfiltered cigarette smoke. Want to catch a train into town? Not gonna happen — try the bus, which will take you to a Metro station. But that's before you stand in a half-hour long line at customs, and it also assumes you can elude the cab drivers. "They're very aggressive," says Steve Lyautey, an executive with a software company in Irving, Texas. "And on the way back, when you're trying to unload at the curb, it's a nightmare, because you have to deal with the luggage handlers."
One redeeming quality: A new international terminal is reportedly in the works. And not a moment too soon.
Paris Charles De Gaulle (CDG). At first I thought the vitriolic rants about the Paris airport — one traveler repeatedly referred to it as "D'Gall" — had something to do with the recent anti-French sentiment in the United States. But then I realized I was wrong. Charles De Gaulle Airport really is awful. "It looks like it was created by an architect on acid," says Ryan Jacob, a student from Madrid. "It loops round and round and round, forcing you to walk up and down crissc****ing escalators. When you finally find the way to the next terminal — with no help from Parisians — you realize that you have to take a 10-minute bus ride to get there." Sacre Bleu! Can't the Parisians get a real airport? Apparently not. "De Gaulle is a pigsty and a maze," concurs Robb Gordon, a traveler based in New York. (Since New York is home to what I consider the three worst airports in the United States, I take Rob's comments very seriously.) My impressions of CDG aren't overly negative, which accounts for its low placement on my list. But on my last visit, I do remember — you guessed it — the lingering stench of cigarette smoke that saturated my clothes.
One redeeming quality: Nothing comes to mind.
Whoa now, hold off on those e-mails, fellow Francophiles, smokers and anyone else who was offended by this list. I mean, on some level you have to agree that these airports need a little work — even if you are a chain smoker or have a thing for labyrinthine architecture. So instead of flaming me because you disagree, why not do something productive with your anger? Support efforts to modernize these horrible airports.
The rest of us should steer clear of these terminals if you can. If you don't — well, don't say I didn't warn you.
The good airports are easy to find. They pop up on every "best-of" list. They're no secret.
The bad ones? Well, that's another story. No one I know of conducts "worst-of" polls. If they do, they're not widely publicized. That's a shame, because it's these terminally awful terminals that you need to know about.
I'm here to help. By popular request, here are my five worst international airports. I've cobbled this list together with the help of this column's readers, my personal experience, and the survey data I was able to find.
But before I name names, allow me two quick disclaimers. First, this list is biased toward destinations where you're likely to travel. For example, one reader stationed in Iraq nominated Baghdad International Airport as one of the world's worst — a designation I'm not inclined to argue with. But which of us is planning a trip to Iraq anytime soon?
Second, and most important, if your hometown airport shows up here, please don't fire an indignant e-mail saying I've insulted every inhabitant of your city. I'm still counting the missives I got after I said the New York area's three major airports tied for first place as the worst airports in the United States. Really, folks, I love New York. I just don't like its airports.
Here we go:
London Heathrow (LHR). This airport is so laughably bad that it deserves its own category. It's a dark, confusing maze blocked with security checkpoints staffed by humorless bureaucrats. And just when you think you've found your gate, you're forced to board a rickety bus that takes you to yet another dark, confusing maze of a terminal. On my last visit to this airport, I contracted a wicked case of Norwalk virus, the dreaded gastrointestinal ailment known for infecting cruise passengers. Thanks a lot, Heathrow. Matt Petersen, who works for a nonprofit organization in Alexandria, Va., says he's willing to overlook the cigarette smoke and confusing layout at Heathrow, "but there's no getting around the annoyance of that long, twisting, lurching bus ride." Indeed, there isn't.
One redeeming quality: The airport employees. Apart from the stone-faced security guards, the gate agents, customs officials, and airline employees I've met are friendly and apologetic about the monstrosity they work in. Adds Sharon Adcock, a consultant from Manhattan Beach, Calif.: "The shopping isn't bad, either."
Mexico City (MEX). Benito Juarez Airport is Mexico's tribute to Heathrow, to hear passengers talk about it. More of the same problems plague this airport, from confusing terminals to inefficient luggage-delivery systems, to the ever-present smoke. (As a point of disclosure, when I travel south of the border, it's always by land. Sounds as if that's the smart choice.) "Hellish," rants Oriana Tickell de Castelló, a magazine editor from Mexico City. "I hate arriving on a long-haul flight to Mexico City. The luggage bands are too small to allow people to get close to it to pick up their luggage, especially from a large aircraft. Chaos ensues."
One redeeming quality: A new state-of-the-art extension of the east end of the airport recently opened, relieving some of the congestion. Unfortunately, it's not enough and now there's talk of building another airport to take the pressure off of Benito Juarez Airport.
Frankfurt, Germany (FRA). When readers nominated Frankfurt for my "worst international airports" list, I was skeptical. I used the airport frequently when I lived in Frankfurt a few years ago — never with much of a problem. So I decided to investigate it one more time to see if I was missing something. It turns out that I was. The walk between my gate and the luggage claim area was far too long to be called a walk. It was more of a hike. Cigarette smoke? Yeah, they've got that too. I couldn't even find the luggage claim area for my flight and ended up having to re-enter the secured area after making several wrong turns. Departing from Frankfurt is equally difficult, according to Alan Bloom, an executive with a sign company in Louisville, Colo. "Teutonic efficiency has been jettisoned in favor of total chaos," he complains. "The last time I had the misfortune of connecting in Frankfurt there was only one open security station between terminals and a mob of people spread out trying to squeeze into a single line. I was reminded of the scene in 'The Killing Fields' where the horde of people was trying to get into the French embassy."
One redeeming quality: Say what you want about the airport, the train connections into Frankfurt are excellent. That's something that can't be said for a lot of American airports.
Moscow Sheremetyevo (SVO). It's probably unfair to compare this outdated, communist-era airport to anything in Western Europe. Then again, no one ever accused me of being fair, at least when it comes to my series of columns on airports (OK, to be perfectly honest, a lot of you did agree with my previous selections). This facility really makes the worst of the American airports seem not so bad. It is a crowded, gloomy terminal in which your senses are assaulted by the odors of unfiltered cigarette smoke. Want to catch a train into town? Not gonna happen — try the bus, which will take you to a Metro station. But that's before you stand in a half-hour long line at customs, and it also assumes you can elude the cab drivers. "They're very aggressive," says Steve Lyautey, an executive with a software company in Irving, Texas. "And on the way back, when you're trying to unload at the curb, it's a nightmare, because you have to deal with the luggage handlers."
One redeeming quality: A new international terminal is reportedly in the works. And not a moment too soon.
Paris Charles De Gaulle (CDG). At first I thought the vitriolic rants about the Paris airport — one traveler repeatedly referred to it as "D'Gall" — had something to do with the recent anti-French sentiment in the United States. But then I realized I was wrong. Charles De Gaulle Airport really is awful. "It looks like it was created by an architect on acid," says Ryan Jacob, a student from Madrid. "It loops round and round and round, forcing you to walk up and down crissc****ing escalators. When you finally find the way to the next terminal — with no help from Parisians — you realize that you have to take a 10-minute bus ride to get there." Sacre Bleu! Can't the Parisians get a real airport? Apparently not. "De Gaulle is a pigsty and a maze," concurs Robb Gordon, a traveler based in New York. (Since New York is home to what I consider the three worst airports in the United States, I take Rob's comments very seriously.) My impressions of CDG aren't overly negative, which accounts for its low placement on my list. But on my last visit, I do remember — you guessed it — the lingering stench of cigarette smoke that saturated my clothes.
One redeeming quality: Nothing comes to mind.
Whoa now, hold off on those e-mails, fellow Francophiles, smokers and anyone else who was offended by this list. I mean, on some level you have to agree that these airports need a little work — even if you are a chain smoker or have a thing for labyrinthine architecture. So instead of flaming me because you disagree, why not do something productive with your anger? Support efforts to modernize these horrible airports.
The rest of us should steer clear of these terminals if you can. If you don't — well, don't say I didn't warn you.
